I am surrounded by people that I know love me but at the same time I am getting so damn frustrated and angry at them. I really feel the need for a friend that will just sit down and listen. I don’t need anything more than that but to just have someone listen and hear what I need to say. I need a really good girlfriend night where what we do is sit and and bitch and moan about things in our life’s that are pissing us off right now. Then we can both sit there and go “I know right” to everything we both say. I am a really good listener and have always been the friend that people come do when they feel the need to just talk and be listened too. At the moment I just need someone to take the time to listen to me and hear my struggles. Then I would love them to say “hang in there buddy this is just a bad patch and it won’t be long and you will look back and say whew I made it and things are so much better”. But no one is listening, when did it become such a rarity to stop and listen, really listen not listen while thinking about something else, not listen to the start and then cut the person off while you decide that your story needs to be told instead.
I realized that I would feel better if I reached out to a friend and just let it all out but it just isn’t working for me. I am not the sort of person that opens up to people and pours my heart out but at the moment I feel the strong need for some support. I asked 2 friends to come out to dinner and when I was asked how things where going I started to tell them and was cut off by one of the friends telling my about how she was experiencing something similar with her daughter and proceeded to go off on a 20 minute rant about it. I sat there almost in tears because it hurt and felt like what I had to say really didn’t matter. I have another friend who I have always been there for and when she is going through shit I always message her to see that she is okay and check in on her often. I ran into her the other day and she asked how things where going so I filled her in briefly on what was happening. I would of thought that this friend would of taken the time to message a couple of days later to see how things where going but a month later nothing. This one makes me feel that the friendship wasn’t as important to her as it was to me. I tried briefly at work to talk to some friends / colleges to once again be cut off as one of them went on a roll telling us all about an experience she had with her son.
Why do we do this to people? This makes me sound like a big moaner that people are sick of listening to but I can assure you that I don’t share things with people I normally as a rule keep it to myself. At the moment is a very rough patch and I feel like if I could find a shoulder to cry on I could get up shake myself off and find the strength to move on. Instead I have been left feeling flat and unloved and like I don’t matter.