Tag Archives: exercise

183 Days Sober and a few things I have learnt along the way.

I first saw the above image while at the gym and thought how true is that. If we are not happy where we are, with what we are doing, if we want to change we get a second chance every second of every day. I was so unhappy when I was drinking in the end. It was a habit and one that consumed me. I couldn’t wait to get home in the evenings and relax and unwind with my box of cider. I couldn’t really afford to drink to the excess that I did so would often purchase it by using a shop charge card. I was unwell in my mind and my body. I suffered from depression and at night would be consumed with thoughts that I would over analyze and would let minor things develop into full blown major things (in my head) that would also depress me more and had me so negative I don’t know how I survived. My body was obese, my blood pressure extreme and I won’t even go into my digestive system and how I have abused that over the 20 years I was drinking. I knew I had to change and sometimes I would scare the shit out of myself thinking I would probably die today when I knew that my blood pressure was off the chart from my drinking the night before.

I was miserable and thought that coming home and drinking myself numb each night would block that out. I don’t know why but after years of this and abusing myself something just went off in my brain and I realized that I was not getting anywhere in fact I was just heading to an early grave and things could never get better from there. I knew that I had to stop and correct myself because I am responsible for my actions, no one else. I have had shitty things happen in my life and there are still things that I don’t know how to deal with BUT I am the only one that could change the direction of my life and make it a more enjoyable life to be living. The major changes I have made so far is I have been sober for 183 days now and believe me every second of that counts. I still have moments often where I really, really REALLY want to drink. I have lost a lot of the excess weight through not drinking AND by joining a gym. I LOVE weight lifting and I LOVE cardio and the feeling of having a much healthier body is amazing. Every time I have thoughts that I really want to drink I stop myself by thinking I have worked so hard to get to where I am today and I just don’t want to start back at day one, hour one, it is just to hard. I often wonder if I can just buy a 6 pack and just give myself one night with that nice buzz going on. But then I think about the fact if I give myself permission to do that I will give myself permission again and again until I am right back where I started. I am also happy waking up and not feeling like crap with the dry horrors, furry tongue, headache and most times a bad tummy. I want a drink but not as much as I don’t ever want to feel like that because I have drunk again.

Now for a few things I have learnt along the way that has worked for me, please remember everyone’s journey is different and I am not saying hey do this it will help you but it might help you.

Vitamins – I now take vitamin C, B, Multivitamin and Magnesium Complex every day.

Listening to Self Help Pod Casts and Reading Self Help Books – really didn’t help me at all and instead made me over analyze things that had happened in my past and dwell on them way to much. I do not want to give negative things in my past anymore of my time, they are history I can not change them but I have learnt from them and that’s it. Slamming the door on them.

Exercise does help – I love the gym but I find even something as simple as going for a walk is so good for the soul and the body.

Blogging – An amazing tool that helps you get the stuff that is rattling around in your brain out. It is amazing how somethings are just better out and written down. By blogging somewhere like here you can find an amazing support group of people that are dealing with the same sort of shit everyday.

My mind wanders all over the place and has trouble staying focused on anything for a long period of time. Guess what this is normal for people with addictions. Even now my mind is still all over the place but I would say that it is improving and I can focus more at work.

Being Uncomfortable – If things make you uncomfortable e.g. our work Xmas party, I just don’t do them. Not this year maybe next year when I am stronger. How ever I did enjoy arriving to work the next day and seeing the sorry state of some of the party goers, sadistic? maybe 🙂

Sleep – sleep is good. I have been abusing my body for so long that no wonder it is exhausted. Now I am making it exercise and not giving it the poison it has run on for the last 20 years. It deserves a break and resting is not always being lazy it is giving it a break and letting it recharge.

Your mind will come up with some really good arguments as to why you should have a drink. Once again remember it has been working with alcohol or drugs fueling it. It is going to take a while for it to settle down and learn what the new normal is.

Be kind to yourself. Stop beating yourself up and putting yourself down all the time. I find myself calling myself a dumbarse often now I pull myself up for that.

No matter who you are or what you have done so far in your life remember ‘You decide every moment of every day: Who you are & What you believe in. You get a second chance, every second.” If you don’t like it, change it for yourself.

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Swapping Addictions

Some times I get really pissed off with myself!!!! I was, no have been, doing really great with my weight loss and shaping up. I have lost almost 10kg’s and have dropped a few sizes in my clothes. I fell great about this but then came a friendly warning from my friend / trainer – “I want to know what is your goal weight?” my reply “I don’t have one”. She looked at me with a look of really, raised eye brows, “how far are you going to take this?” my reply “Until I feel good about myself”. At this stage I couldn’t even look her in the eye. She said “but you look great, your face has changed and is now drawn in how about stopping now?” my reply “no I have still got to lose all of this” standing there holding on to my spare tyre around my belly. She just laughed at me and said “we all have parts of us that we are not happy with we have to learn to live with them, I repeat you look great how about stopping now? You can’t afford to keep losing when you already have tummy problems in your life we need to leave you with reserve for those times when you get ill. So how about saying I am happy where I am now?” I didn’t know what to say at this point and said ” I would think about it”. Her come back comment was what threw me – “I am worried that you are taking your addiction from drinking and instead turning that addiction into a weigh loss addiction. Not only that but part of your personality is you are OCD and once you commit to something you take it to extremes.” I had not even seen this link before she said it.

Just so it is clear I love this lady to bits, like a sister and I love her direct nature so I am not offended by her saying this to me I am grateful that she has spoken her mind. She was worried that I would be offended but I wasn’t. Later I was able to tell her I wasn’t upset with her for speaking up and saying it to me. I understand that she loves me and you don’t hurt the people that you love, it’s not rocket science and thanked her for being her. There are actually no other people that can speak to me like this and I thank God everyday for bringing her into my life.

Anyways (sorry once again I am all over the place getting this out of my head) the reason I am pissed with myself is that I have now enjoyed a week of eating what ever I want, I have not been to the gym once and now I feel disappointed in myself. It’s one of those times when this weekend I intended to go to the gym both days but instead this morning I woke up and I was so incredibly tired, exhausted call it what you will. I ended up taking the dogs for their walk after hanging out all the washing, coming home sitting on the computer for an hour, going to the shops, coming home and taking a Nana nap with the dogs, took the dogs to the park for play date, came home did the ironing, cooked dinner and that has been it for the day. LAZY comes to mind, I feel since giving up drinking that I have so much to do and so little time to do it in because I have wasted the last 20 years as a functioning drunk. It was almost as if I used her talk to give myself permission to slack right off.

Tomorrow is another day let’s see if I can be more productive then and go to the gym and get a workout in!!!!! I am suffering depression again and that alone should be another reason why I get off my arse and go to the gym for those happy vibes it produces.