Tag Archives: Encouragement

Still sober and I’m super happy about that.

Well my brother has been living with me coming up a month now and I thought it would be really hard to have him around with his drinking. What I didn’t count on was his drinking and his smoking dope around me also. But you know what I was worried that it would make me want to drink and that I would fold and end up joining him every night for a drinking session. Instead I am super happy to say that it has actually driven my in the opposite direction.

On his first night here I brought himself a box of beer and brought me a box of cider. I am not going to lie OMG I could of sat down and drunk the whole box, talk about making your mouth water. I almost felt dizzy with the desire to crack open that first bottle. But I didn’t instead I told him that I am happy on my no drinking buzz at the moment and that I really didn’t feel like drinking right now. He was disappointed that I wouldn’t be joining him but did not push the issue. Now most nights I still look at him drinking and my damn mouth still waters lol.

But the fact that I see him drinking and smoking every night also has me thinking that I don’t want to go back to spending my nights like that anymore. I volunteer for a Facebook page that posts Lost and Found pets in the hope that we can find their owners, if I was drinking I would not be able to focus on it as well as I do. There is also another thing that stops me from reaching for the bottle and that is what I have had to go through to get to where I am now. I have experienced some of the lowest lows to the point that I did not have the energy to fight the shitty head game that comes with this addiction. I openly told a friend that I just wanted to end it all and I was serious. I didn’t want to have to keep living a life where I was having a battle in my head repeatedly everyday with one voice screaming have a drink and the other voice yelling back shut the fuck up. It was exhausting mentally and physically and I just didn’t have the energy to keep going fighting it anymore and the only way I could see myself at peace was to be dead. I can see now that drinking is what got me to that point, OMG it is so powerful how it plays tricks on your mind with your own mind. It is horrible to be full on in battle with yourself all the time, talk about feeling like a mental headcase. I never want to go back to being that low again and I can see clearly enough now to realize that if I started drinking again either that would end up killing me as my weight once again rises and my blood pressure builds up to off the charts. Mentally I would be disgusted with myself and the self loath would be huge. Even if I was able to stop again I don’t know if with the new layer of personal loathing that I would be able to deal with another more powerful round of self loathing and not kill myself this time round. I am just not prepared to let myself slip back into that bullshit again.

For anyone that is going anything that sounds remotely like the above my heart goes out to you. Please hold on the ride is shit but there really is better on the other side of it. I have now been sober for 8 months and are in a much better head space and physically my body and health are doing so much better. As I was walking my dogs early in the morning on my weekend I realized how much I love the calm of early mornings. It is like the rest of the neighborhood are still sleeping but I am out there with my two best buddies in the beautiful morning air and I feel amazingly calm and refreshed from a good sleep. I used to have crap sleeps when I was drinking with waking up through out the night and often struggling to go back to sleep until about 1/2 an hour before get up time. It was rubbish this is such a better way to start my day and I would of never of enjoyed such bliss while I was still drinking. There are so many simple things like this that make my life so much better that I just wouldn’t have had I still been drinking.

Sorry I hope this ramble to clear a bit of space in my head all makes sense as I don’t have time to proof read it tonight. But I really want to reinforce if you are suffering depression and having suicidal thoughts you are robbing yourself the chance of so many beautiful things that you are going to find as you recover. Hang in there and give me a holla I know what you are going through, I know it is fucken hard and that it feels like no one understands where you are at. You are not alone there are so many of us out here that are willing to offer you words of encouragement. YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT.

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5 Simple Things to Start Doing for Your Happiness

I just had to share this with you all. It is from a great blog that I follow and I have included the line to go to their site if you want to. This is just the first 5 but the give 27 in total –

  1. Start learning to be more human again. – Gadgets are great, but they can get in the way if you aren’t careful. Control them so they don’t control you. In other words, put down the phone. Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind a screen. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. And smile together.
  2. Start filtering out the noise in your life. – Be careful about who you give the microphone and stage to in your life. Don’t just listen to the loudest voice. Listen to the truest one.
  3. Start choosing differently, for your own well-being. – A big part of your life is a result of the little choices you make every day. If you don’t like some part of your life, it’s time to start tweaking things and making better choices, right now, right where you are.
  4. Start being way more productive than you are busy. – There’s a big difference between being busy and being productive. Don’t confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but never makes any forward progress. In other words…
  5. Start dedicating time every day to meaningful activities. – What you do every day matters, but WHY you do what you do matters even more. So quit doing just what you’re able to do; figure out what you were made to do, and then do more of it. And if you only have fifteen minutes a day to spare, no problem – make those fifteen minutes meaningful.

It is from Marc and Angel Hack Life and I have been following it for a while with daily emails that really do get me thinking. Hope some of you enjoy it and find it helpful as well –

http://www.marcandangel.com/

 

The Power of A Good Friend

Well I had my chat with my friend and now realise just why she is my best friend / sister. I was stupid to think that she would ever just turn her back on me in the first place. She knew that something was wrong and when I explained it all to her I felt so much better. I stumbled a bit trying to explain things to her but got there in the end. Just the fact that I have been open with her and no longer pushing her away because I am ashamed of the thoughts in my head has made it so much better. I don’t have to hide things from her because she is so supportive and it was a great relief. She is an amazing friend and is the sort that can just sense when things aren’t right with me.  One of the reasons why I didn’t share with her is that I felt like I was being a drama queen and so full of self pity that I had no right to burden someone else with all my shit. She explained that everyone has the right to their feelings. She was so glad that I came and talked to her about it all but was saddened to think that I was thinking like I have been.

Another great thing that has made me feel better is talking to my boss (who has become more of a friend and is transfering so I thought it was okay to talk to him) and explaining how it felt like I was stuffing up lately and not getting through my work and it was upsetting to me. He came back with “man you set the bar so high for your work standard and I am so hard on myself. He also asked did I realize that I was doing the work load of what other stores have 2-3 people covering? He said that I was amazing and that it wouldn’t take us long to catch it all up if we worked together”. This made me feel so much better as I hadn’t realized this and I was so greatful that we have worked together and by the end of the week we will be right back up to date.

I guess as a round up to this all, never underestimate your friends, if they are true friends they will understand.

Please Everyone Remember This

I have a fridge magnet which says the following:

“You make the world a better place just by being in it”

I love this quote and wanted to share it on here, because to anyone reading these posts I think you are here for a reason and I want to tell you that YOU make the world a better place just by being in it!!!! If you ever feel like you don’t I want you to keep saying this in your head every time you doubt the you do.

I brought this magnet for myself (bit sad I know) but I think that if I don’t start believing in my self and my ability to get through this then who the hell else will.