OMGosh I can be such a bitch with a sarcastic tongue that has a venom that slaps out. Sometimes I am shocked myself by the level of my inner bitterness. I have a side that can be so loving and compassionate and yet another side that is so angry it is like living with Jekyl and Hyde. I am working so hard on trying to tame the inner bitch but it just comes out and bitch slaps me so hard. I can feel it coming with a grumpiness that starts to boil over into just being a bitch.
I know my trigger and it is drugs and alcohol. I have become this person that has no tolerance for people that participate in either and become very judgmental of them for their choices. I am pissed with my brother for still taking drugs and I am tense when around him while he is drinking. I am pissed with the person who is selling him the drugs and suspect that it is a person at our work who is selling it to him (yes we currently live together but we also work together, not healthy). I am pissed with the ones that are uses at work as if they have had an evening together they really do have a I can’t be fucked day at work. You would think that my boss would be unhappy with this but he also partakes in this behavior. Out of my 4 bosses that I have had in the past 12 years 2 of them have been drug takers and one was without doubt an alcoholic.
Anyway focusing back on the problem I hate my inner bitchiness and that sarcasm that comes with it. Why the hell can’t I just relax and let people live their lives the way they want to and not be such a judgmental cow? If there is a part of our character that we hate why is it so hard to just stop it? It is so rude and also it is tiring wasting my energy judging others and being shitty.