Category Archives: Weightloss Fitness and Health

Trying to Lose Weight

Is it possible to this early in feel a bit better already? I don’t know if it’s my imagination and wishful thinking but I feel like I’m not as bloated. I also don’t find myself thinking after any meals whew I feel so full as in I’m stuffed. It actually feels much more comfortable.

Since I am such a procrastinator I am using MyFitnessPal and logging all food and my Garmin watch is tracking all steps and adding them to MyFitnessPal. The only negative I see with MyFitnessPal is making sure I log everything and taking the time at first to set up my database of foods I eat. The great thing is once they are in there you just select them each time adding them to whatever meal / snack you have them in. The aim of it is that eat only X amount of Kilojoules / Carbs / Fats / Protein / Sodium & Sugar each day. It’s actually really good because you can eat whatever you want as long as you record it and your total at the end of the day is less than your daily allowance. So for example today I entered in breakfast / lunch and what I intended to have for dinner and then saw that I was well below the recommended daily intake. After looking up the nutrition list of Fruit Bursts lollies I was able to have 1 serving of them (4 lollies) and still be absolutely fine with my target. It is good because I can see where I’m at and it stops me boredom grazing because then I would go over my allowance. Oh and the more exercise you do, for me the steps counted, you can sync your device to the MyFitnessPal and it calculates and you can even have more to eat. If you don’t eat enough it even tells you that you are not eating enough.

With my Garmin it sets a target for steps each day and I have achieved it for the last 3 days in a row. Each time it does increase the daily target so lets see how high I can get it before I can’t achieve it. Only problem is my bloody foot is freakin sore!!! I am going to hobble to bed soon and it’s going to hurt like a bitch but I am so determined to do this I’m not going to let it stop me. Even if I can’t achieve the steps as long as my food intake stays below the recommended daily allowance I will be fine.

Probably a boring post for you all but I am trying to post each day to keep me accountable and focused on what I am trying to achieve. If you are interested in the MyFitnessPal it is free to use so here is the link – www.myfitnesspal.com

Super Market Shopping While Trying to Lose Weight

Hmmm asking for a friend (haha you know when someone starts with that they are pretty much bullshitting and embarrassed to admit it was them, so yep this is me) who wants to know is this bad or mean? Today I had to go to the supermarket to do some shopping for supplies for myself and the dogs. I was fully planning to do my shopping online so I wouldn’t be tempted with ice cream, lollies or normal chocolate (it really does taste better) but ended up having to go because the delivery schedule didn’t suit me. When I first went in it was a case of hmm what the heck can I get that isn’t going to go against what I’m trying to achieve. But as I started going around I managed to stay on track and I let my crazy way of thinking help me achieve this.

The supermarket was busy and after the veggies and fruit we go past the deli and then into the alcohol, not even a temptation there. Up into the bread and I started thinking maybe I can have a healthier bread like a low carb bread or one full of sunflower seeds and linseed but there wasn’t any left so I took that as a sign of no bread for you, smiled and carried on. Next to the cereal and I love my cereal with juice (50% less sugar, better than full sugar right?). Doodle, doodle, doodle, push that trolley around to the next aisle, ooh ahhh it’s the fucken lollie aisle!!!! OMG, OMG, NO!!! And my favorites are on special!!! How did I stop myself??? Here is the is this bad or mean part…… I looked around and spotted all the fat over weight people and told myself do you want to be like that??? If you do go ahead and buy the lollies and scoff the bag on the drive home BUT aren’t you sick of being fat, aren’t you sick of eating so much sickening sugar rich foods? Look again keep looking at the fat people as they push their trolleys around the supermarket. As they go past take note of what they have in their trolleys versus what the skinny people have in theirs. I carried on past the lollies and left them there. I won’t bore you with the rest of the trip but as you can guess there was lots of look at that fat gross person don’t end up like that. The answer is no I don’t, I’m tired of being over weight and unhealthy.

On the drive home I didn’t get to scoff the bag of lollies but I did get to think about how I just coped with my trip to the supermarket. Wow what a bitch, those poor fat people I shouldn’t be judging them like that as I’m fat myself. But then I thought, you know what I didn’t say it out loud to anyone, I didn’t hurt anyone and thinking further if someone had done the same thing while using me to mentally stop them I would say bloody good on you, well done.

Living life sober, raw & real has taught me the skills to start applying in other areas of my life. The jury is still out on what form of dieting I’m going to do and for now I’m going to focus on thinking about what I putting into my body. Ice Cream & lollies are out for now until I get my weight down. BUT I don’t ever intend to fully cut them out of my life, I did that for years when I wasn’t eating gluten or dairy and I think that was part of my problem. Now that I have been letting some gluten back into my diet and I have found dairy free, chocolate coated ice creams I have gone to the extreme because I went without for so long. Focused eating for now along with trying to walk more to get some exercise going.

Can't Ignore The Weight Gain Anymore

So I am fat and I’m tired of being fat oh and along with being tired of being fat I am tired of getting fatter and along with being tired of being fat and getting fatter I am getting tired of being unfit and getting unfitter. Now, now before you all start telling me to just love myself for being me well I sort of think I do but I don’t like this side of me. I know that I emotionally eat and I know that I love ice cream and lollies but it really has got out of hand. I’ve seen all the posts and write ups about how being fat around your tummy is actually dangerous and that is where the bulk of my fat is. I am going up and up in clothing sizes and there ain’t no one else but me that has the control to do something about it.

My vision for a healthier weight me is……

  • Fitting my old clothes that I just can’t fit anymore, oh even fitting the ones I am wearing now without constantly tugging and pulling at them trying to get them comfortable and now sitting tight over every roll and bulge.
  • Feeling better about myself and not disappointed that I have the power and control and yet I’m ignoring it and not doing anything about it.
  • Being able to spring out of bed without so many aches and pains and having to position myself correctly to push myself out of bed without injuring anything.
  • Hopefully improvement or recovery in my foot injury with less weight to carry around.
  • Having higher energy levels and not struggling to get through the day without feeling like I need a Nana nap.
  • Not huffing and puffing if I do more than a standard walk which means being able to go further and faster without feeling grossly unfit.
  • Being able to wear a standard deodorant and not perspire so much. Every time I get fat I notice that I’m sweating more and that it can get smelly unless I wear a strong deodorant designed for this.
  • Okay lets get really honest not smelling at all of urine EVER, when you a fat its seems that you seem to smell more down there as well. Why the hell that is happening I don’t know is it getting older and leaking. I really don’t know, it’s not all the time but I am very embarrassed that it happens at all.
  • Stop the risk of diabetes because I reckon with all the sugar I’m currently taking in that must be coming up at some stage.
  • Avoid my blood pressure going higher and higher with the weight, lack of exercise and poor diet.

I think that’s enough that I can rattle off just like that, it’s time to stop feeling like this and to actually do something about it. I have already started today by not racing out to buy more chocolate, lollies or ice cream. Nope I have run out, oh apart from some really dark chocolate that I simply can’t gobble like I can the creamy chocolate. Thinking about it today I also think I’m going to internet shop my groceries for a while so I stick to the basics and don’t get tempted with all those treaty things while walking around the super market. No one shops for me so I can’t blame anyone else for bringing so much crap into the pantry / fridge, it was all me and I won’t be replacing it for a while.

I figure that is a good start and am trying to decide whether to give the Keto diet a go or Allen Carrs Weight Loss book / CD instead. Part of the problem with being a bloody Libra I can never freakin decide but have made the firm decision of cutting out sugar which I think has to be a great place to start.

Living sober, raw and real is freakin awesome now I have to battle with my addiction to sugar and emotional eating. It’s really not an easy one because well everyone has to eat right? What do we do when we feel like treating ourselves when we don’t drink anymore? I know I like to cook up a lovely meal or have a yummy desert. Feeling low have some chocolate (it does make your brain happier for a while), signal the end of your day and relax, have a bowl of ice cream. Hmmm this one is going to be tricky but is totally doable, wish me luck.

My Relationship With Food

I am over weight and my own worst enemy when it comes to doing anything about it. I love food and I like eating but over the last week I have been thinking more about it and why even though I know I’m over indulging why do I do it and this week one reason came to me. I am often snacking / eating at my desk and would call myself a grazer who often eats the contents of my lunch box and then in the afternoon will go to the vendor machine and get some lollies and eat the whole bag. Now I have realized that what I am doing is eating like this because, well because food makes me happy. It tastes good and often sugary food makes me have a happy buzz. Because I am so bored and not really enjoying my job anymore I am trying to fill that unhappiness with something that makes me happy AKA food. I over do it with sugar as well and did go through a period of not having it in my diet but that didn’t last as I slumped into depression I started up again.

I love food but I hate being fat and I hate being unhealthy along with unfit. How am I going to find something to full that void if I remove the happiness that food brings me? How do I avoid the depression slump if I cut out sugar again? It is bloody scary when I drop into depression, I feel that it will never be as bad as when I was drinking but it still scares the shit out of me. With my depression I can never be sure how long it will last and it is so hard being there and finding the energy to climb out of that hole is freakin exhausting.

Living sober, raw and real really is the best gift I gave myself. I wouldn’t have my wits about me if I wasn’t sober and realize that if I can find away to deal with shit like this things just have to keep improving for me. Hmmm now what can I have instead of more food???

Catch 22 Everyone Has At Least 1 In Their Life

Life really is full of many catch 22’s isn’t it? Here is a couple of examples from my own life at the moment.

I have high cholesterol, plantar fasiitis and a bad back along with a hip that now pops out as well. I am also fat and need to lose some weight which will help with all of the fore mentioned problems. This weekend I decided to get out and exercise more and on Saturday I went for a long walk. Saturday night I could hardly walk as my foot was that sore and swollen so I iced it and kept it up. This morning it was sore before I even got out of bed but as I got up and moved around I could walk on it so went for another walk (but not as far as Saturday) and now tonight here I am with my foot unable to be walked on apart from walking in tip toes. So catch 22 number 1 – need to exercise but exercise causes pain and distress.

Next catch 22 is my finances – I need to get them sorted and pay them off BUT my little dog needs more medicine and I haven’t been able to save for it because I have just been keeping my head above water with car troubles. So now I have had to up the limit on one of my credit cards so that I can pay the $1000 for the meds (they need to be paid for before they get it made up). So catch 22 number 2 – need to get debt down but need to spend money to keep my dog alive.

It’s not all negative though, lets think about it now……. I can still walk and during the week I will use the cross trainer because it does not apply as much pressure to my heal. I have to exercise and diet to achieve losing weight and hopefully improving some of my health problems. With my finance I haven’t added or taken anymore (not sure which is the right way to word it) any more from the lender so I have now paid off a year of the 7 year term.

Life can be such a freakin round about but I am so glad I am facing up to all of this sober. I got very stressed thinking about it all Friday night but if I was drinking it would of spiked a major anxiety attack. Now here we are Sunday night and thanks to the amount of fresh air and exercise I have been able to do I feel much calmer and relaxed about it all. Not in a totally irresponsible way of fuck it all but rather a I can and will work this all out eventually.

And the light flickered…..

So walking the dogs tonight I had a thought and it was one of those thoughts were you think “Hello, where have you been, what took you so long?” I am stressed at the moment because the bills are piling up and I am struggling to keep up with them after falling behind with car repairs etc. This is not helping my emotional eating and the couple of kilo’s I lost the other week have slapped themselves straight back on to me (arseholes). But I am craving sweet things like lollies and chocolates and even broke I am finding away to get them. All I am doing is basically stress eating and piling on the weight along with not exercising and getting angry and sad with myself for doing it. Reminds me so much of when I was drinking, I just kept doing it even though I really didn’t want to.

Now the thought that hit me while I was walking is what the fuck are you doing? You are eating yourself into sadness, you are putting weight on when you know that you would feel happier and proud of yourself if you lost it. Your stupid foot would ache less if it didn’t have to carry around those extra kilos as well. Then I thought what would make you happier, what would it take (that doesn’t cost anything) you are smart you can figure this out.

I could reward myself by working out, eating healthy and losing the weight. How good would it feel to see the kilo’s dropping and see the older clothes fitting again? That’s right I’ll say it again, I could reward myself by working out, eating healthy and losing weight.

Do you see the little word in there that I have never used before when thinking about exercise or healthy eating? It’s reward myself by doing them instead of the old thinking of I need to get off my arse and exercise and eat healthy, I am fat and ugly and need to work at getting that sorted. Seriously there is no thoughts of suffering for the cause this time around it is rewarding myself to feel better, be healthier and to actually allocate time for ME to do what it’s going to take. No putting everyone else first or rushing to do my volunteer work etc, I still have to go to work that is a no brainer, but I can make a work out or walk a priority each day.

Yeah I like this way of thinking, reward myself, I just keep thinking it like a light bulb spluttered on and now I can see it. Moments like these can happen because I am living life sober and allowing my mind to work without negative interference.

A voice inside is saying do it, another voice is saying whatever bitch you ain’t got it in yah – Guess which one is going to win this one?

So I’m sitting here just thinking about it more and more and the more I think about it the more I think can I? should I? would I? Then I think just fucken do it!!!! Then I get carried away and not only have I found 1 that I want to do I have actually found 6 in total, that’s right 6 marathons over the next year. Lets see go from sloth AKA couch potato to a person who does marathons WTF right! Do I go for 6 marathons at 42km’s each or do I go for the 21km’s half marathon events hmmmm I’m not sure on that one. The first event would be in 3 months time so possibly the half and see if that kills me, I’ll think and see. That would mean I am doing events in September, October, December, February, March & April.

Why am I even thinking about it??? Well I need to get into exercise and I am struggling to stay motivated BUT if I have a goal to aim for I am a stubborn arse shit and I think I have a better chance of sticking at it. Also hopefully over that period of time I will form a habit and actually stick at it once they are all finished. Shit if I do the 21km’s this year what if I aim for the 42km’s next time round when I am fitter.

There is another reason why I need to do this I need to stop dwelling on things and feeling sad. Exercise is a natural anti-depressant and I need it I know that being an alcoholic it’s to easy for me at the moment to think what’s the point what does it matter if I drink but I realize that is my alcoholic inner beast talking. Can I pull this off, can I find the time to do this, will my body be able to cope with this? I need things to look forward to, I need things that I am proud of myself for achieving afterwards. At the moment if I don’t have some sort of goal or plan I am drifting and it’s a dangerous sort of drifting.

Living life sober, raw & real is the only way I want to be but it does always require an awareness of my alcoholic demon and I have to be prepared to put in the work and have plans and goals in place to keep me heading in the right direction.

Exercise – Day One

Okay I had to put “Exercise” in the header because I didn’t want anyone thinking oh fuck she’s fallen off the wagon again. Nope, nope still sober 16 months & 4 days and counting and no desire to be any other way. There are times when I would like the ability to numb when I just can’t switch my mind off or when I get far to stressed but seriously I don’t want to use alcohol to do that anymore I will find other techniques and skills to deal with things now. I really have uncovered some crap in my life over the last 16 months (oddly enough I still can’t remember my childhood but my therapist said that may never happen) and I have been progressing and dealing with a LOT. Even though I struggle with it all at times and I do have many patches of depression and sadness I feel that I am much healthier mentally than when I was numbing it out and not facing those feelings.

Anyway I am stalling the real point of this post, today I exercised. Every day I walk my dogs at least once but it’s not really exercise because they stop to sniff the roses, grass, bush, pee trail you get the idea there is a lot of dawdling involved with lots of stops. I don’t normally hurry them because I am a believer in their noses and the scents they tell are telling them stories and would I want to be dragged away when in the middle of a chapter, hell no I wouldn’t. Today was a wet and windy day so instead of going outdoors for a walk I jumped on the x-trainer for 30 minutes. I might change my mind but I have decided that by posting on here with my boozing I was putting it out in the universe and making myself accountable. So here I am putting out that I want exercise to become a habit, I am hoping that by adding it into my daily routine that it will help with my depression as well. I am sick of being a sloth (I love sloths by the way) and am getting fatter and need to exercise but at this stage I am only starting with exercise and here is why. Every other time I have raced in and I have tried doing exercise and diet and therapy and sobriety all at once and frankly I got overwhelmed. My plan is to exercise every day and then when I am ready start on the diet.

Oh but I have added these shot drinks into my day that smell and taste like they came fresh out of the lawn mower. They come in powder form and you just add water and shake them up. The powder is made up of the following – wheatgrass, barleygrass, green pea, broccoli sprout, spearmint, manuka leaf, blackcurrant & boysenberry. I am really keen to see if these help me and as well as a zillion other benefits it is suppose to help with my anemia so lets see what happens. If your interested at all this is the link to them – http://www.nutrientrescue.nz

With regards to the gluten free diet my plans are as I use things up I will replace with gluten free, I have been gluten free previously for years so know I can do it. Financially I can’t afford to waste the current food and supplies I have hence just doing it as I run out.

Hmm I guess I am tackling exercise and diet at once in away. Oh one thing I love when I am exercising is some of the great podcasts I get to listen to and here are two things I remember from todays session that struck a cord with me. We are all wanting to be loved and to feel like we belong but there is a difference between a tribe and a community. These are what Tribe and Community originally meant or how they formed.

Tribes were formed out of a mutual hate. – Communitys were formed out mutual love.

Next statement that got me thinking – Humans have been given the ability to love more than evolution requires.

Both of those I got from listening to – Oprah / Super Soul Conversations – David Brooks / The Quest For A Moral Life

Living life sober, raw & real is a blessing and one I fully intend to be giving myself for the rest of my life. It is one of the greatest gifts I can give to myself.

Feeding the mind with positive

As part of my fitness journey I have been getting up at 5am (let’s not get to excited it’s only been two mornings in a row lol) and jumping on my cross trainer. If I do that at that time it doesn’t matter if I get all sweaty because I would normally get up at 6am and shower to start my day anyway. Anyway to pass the time I have been listening to the Podcasts Magic Lessons by Elizabeth Gilbert, OMGosh they are good. She is an amazing person and the guests that she has on there are so wise and smart. I have been finding that it really does make me question things and things that I thought was just weird old me are really quite normal and the majority of people suffer from the same anxieties and low self esteem, those are just some of the examples so you know what I am talking about. It is such a great way to start your day and I am finding that getting the exercise done and out of the way before anything else makes me feel so much better about myself as well.

I was wondering do any of you have some favorite podcasts that you can recommend?

Sick of being a fatty

I’ve got to admit that there is something I am a little disappointed about with giving up drinking, I had this stupid idea that just giving up the bottle would make the excess weight start to drop off. I feel ripped off and disappointed and thinking dummy all at the same time. Hmmm thinking it is time to exercise more, monitor what I eat and earn that weight loss. I was quite happy (and don’t regret) that at the start of my sober journey I decided to focus on the mental side of things and not overwhelm myself by trying to achieve everything all at once. Well today I can say that I am only 5 foot 1 inch and am 81kgs heavy, way to much and I don’t like the spare tyres, love handles or verandah over the toy box AT ALL. I am ready and it is time. I have some concerts I am going to friends with this year and the first one is in August lets see what I can achieve in 3 months. Remember I can’t afford the gym or a personal trainer so its gonna be me doing it this time around.