Today is my 18 months soberversary and to be honest it feels a bit flat which is such a rip off. It’s not the anniversaries fault rather what I have been through over the last week that has sucked the life out of me and there is actually fuck all energy left to get excited with. As I type this I am starting to feel a sense of growing pride inside at the thought that I have made it to this point and would have to say that this last week has been such a tough week. I have survived it without drinking to numb everything, without drinking to take a break from everything and stopping the over thinking. In light of it all I think this really is the appropriate time to list 18 things that have improved since I have given up drinking.
- Sleep – As long as I am not worrying about anything or my body giving me pain I can sleep like a baby once I fall asleep.
- Mornings – I freakin love mornings especially waking up with a clear head after a great sleep.
- Walking My Dogs – Previously I would of been thinking either I’m hung over from the night before so we will just skip the walk this morning OR hurry up so we can get home and I can crack open a bottle.
- Showers – OMGosh I love long showers and standing there just feeling the sensation of the water on my body WITHOUT the nausea I used to stand there feeling while my body had the shakes.
- Breakfast – Not only do I have a cup of coffee now but I also have a bowl of cereal because I can as there is no nausea.
- GROSS ALERT Pooping – No I don’t love pooping but I love how my toilet habits are now regular and normal. I think true alcoholics will understand how this normal thing is not to be taken for granted now.
- Driving – While drinking there was countless times when I would be driving to work and wondering if I would still be over if I got breath tested.
- Working – My job is not my dream job but I am still blessed to have it AND it is so much easier doing it and adding to my tasks without having to cope with a foggy brain and body from the night before.
- Home Made Lunches – I love that in the mornings now I have time and the will to make my own lunches and they are healthy lunches.
- Being Able To Drive Home Past The Liquor Outlets – In my first few months of going sober it was horrible as there was no way for me to drive home without going past at least one liquor outlet and my alcoholic brain would be screaming out to me to stop and go and buy some booze.
- Not Arguing With MYSELF – That’s right I no longer argue with myself, my mind used to be it’s own worst enemy and we would often argue with you deserve a drink, no you don’t because you don’t want to drink, you have had a hard day you deserve a drink just tonight, no you don’t because if you really want to treat yourself don’t drink and you won’t be full of regret tomorrow. Get the idea it was a never ending battle with my alcoholic brain.
- Reality – This one is debatable but in my sober journey I have had to face up (and still am noticing some things) to things that have ended up fucked up by myself in my life while living the 20 years as an alcoholic. The difference is now I am facing up and I am either dealing with or figuring out how to deal with them so things can only get better from here.
- Movies & TV – It would not be possible to count the amount of programs and movies I “watched” while drinking that I would not be able to tell you what the hell was happening in them. You really don’t take in anything of what is happening nor can you keep up and when you pass out you wake up and it can some times take a bit to realize you are now watching a totally different bloody program. Now there is so many good and interesting things I can watch including the one’s I “watched” (not really) previously.
- The Results Of Therapy – I have enjoyed going into therapy and finding out that I am not as screwed up as I thought I was.
- Goals – I never set goals before and nor did I have the desire to do so.
- So Much To Look Forward To – I actually have to slow myself down and have to sort out what I want to do first. I have realized that there is just so much I am capable of doing and so much fun and enjoyment to be have in this life. I am no longing just turning up for life I am now wanting to live it.
- Doing Things I Never Thought Possible – Skydiving comes to mind when I type this, there is no way in hell that I would of even thought about doing this as a fundraiser for the animals. But sober me said oh hell yeah I can do that and not only did I do it I went another 3,000 feet higher than what people sponsored me to do.
- ME – Last but not least ME I have improved since giving up drinking. Me as a person and me as a whole. I think it is so easy to keep pushing and wanting to improve things be a better person, be healthier, work on being over weight, work on getting fitter but this anniversary I just look back to how I was 18 months ago and I have already come a very, very long way on the road to improvement.
Living life sober, raw & real is my gift to myself. I choose to live this way there is no one making me do it nor telling me I have to do it I am doing it because I knew that I had to for me.