Last night I explained that the love and support of my Soul Sisters are a vital part of my sober journey this time, without them I really don’t believe I would of had the energy to of survived.
Another part of my sober kit is YOU ALL my BLOGGING FRIENDS!!! What an amazing community I have found on here. I have found a life long friend who is now part of my Soul Sister tribe and we communicate off here as well but then there is everyone else. I can not express how much it has meant to me with each and every “like” or “comment” that you have taken the time to do. To feel seen and not invisible is a huge deal along with finding so many that can relate to my journey. It is a huge help to not feel so alone and an even better feeling to know that I have helped some of you on your journeys as well.
I love your words of wisdom, your advice, your sharing of your own experiences, and the encouragement and praise that is given on here makes me feel so good and worthwhile. For those of you that have said you have included me in your prayers I am so grateful ❤ I would not describe myself as a non-believer as I do believe in a higher power but I just struggle with the faith side of things BUT it really does matter that you take them time to include me in your prayers.
I am loving living life sober, raw and real, because of this I can now see things a lot clearer. I was going to say that this is another of the small blessings that I notice but it’s not small it is actually a really big deal and I thank you all so much.
I’m having one of those OMG I feel so freakin blessed because I am living life sober moments in my life. I am so happy that I am sober but this is one of those I’m feeling like something is shining down on me sort of moments. But it’s not because of anything huge but because of all the little things that I am noticing and because of all the little things that are possible because I am sober and well dare I say it awake. There is a difference between sober awake and living life drinking as an alcoholic sober! Let me explain the little things from the last few days that are making me feel this way.
On Friday I had the day off work as I was going to get my hair done, oh let me tell you something not related to feeling good about my hair (sorry just a little side track). All of a sudden it has taken on this weird life of it’s on and it gets greasy by lunch time up the top and the hair has actually got thicker!!! Fuck it pisses me off because I am the type of girl that has to wash her hair everyday and shower at least once a day because my OCD HATES being dirty so the fact my hair looks dirty is a big deal to me. Anyway it turns out it is part of menopause along with that old hair on my chinny chin chin, FUCK YOU menopause you little bitch! Should be grateful I’m still alive to be going through it but I’m still allowed to have feelings about shit like that lol.
Anyway that was off topic I put on a load of washing and the bloody machine stopped working and came up with an error code. Damnit I think let’s see if we can sort this out ourselves. I slipped on my big girl panties (in my mind only) and got out the owner manual and then checked the outlet hose for blockages. Nope didn’t work so tried the old unplug from the wall and let it reset itself for a bit. Hmm nope that didn’t work either running out of time so had to leave it with the load of washing sitting in there grrrrr. Off to have my hair done (and discuss what we could do about the bloody greasy hair).
After the hair dresser I went to the SPCA to discuss my wanting to become an Animal Welfare Investigator and talked with people already doing the role. I came out of there so excited and happy in the feeling that this really is the right career path for me! There is no way I would be looking at exciting new career options nor realised how soul killing my current position is if I had still been drinking so thank you sober life!
Back home and back to the bloody washing machine. Normally by now in my drinking days I would be having a melt down and all upset like a big cry baby. I probably would of cracked open a bottle to calm myself while I tried to figure out what was wrong, then given up and just got stuck in drinking. Not the sober me, oh shit no that bloody machine was not going to beat me and besides I can’t afford to pay a service agent if I don’t have to thank you very much. Guess what???? That’s right sober me figured it out calmly and by using processes of elimination!! It was a wad of my hair mixed with normal washing machine lint (who knew it could be so strong when there is a build up of it!!! Oh and by the way losing your hair is another part some females go through with menopause, like a really bad molt from winter to summer coat! The wad of hair was enough to stop the water pump from spinning and once a pulled that out I was able to spin the pump again. Plug it in, fire it up and wait and see……….. YUS it worked!!! Now did I mention that if I had NOT been living the sober life I wouldn’t of had the patience to figure this out??? Will blow my own trumpet and say pretty bloody happy with myself at this point!!!!
This weekend I have emailed to find more information about requirements for a grant I want to apply for university fees for the required course for Animal Welfare Investigator. Have told my Team Leaders on the volunteer work I do that I will be spending time with the ladies from the SPCA learning all I can off them for the role. Oh and I told them all that I was an alcoholic just as a side note and explained that the cloud has lifted and I need to do this for me. Hmmm what else oh I have lost 3kg’s since being on my diet and increasing my exercise.
Really it just feels like a huge cloud that had been blocking my view has lifted and for the first time I can see a opportunity for myself to start a new and exciting life. Have I mentioned that living life sober, raw and real, feeling the good with the bad is fucken awesome????
Okay so I’ll be honest here if I had thought a year ago that I would be pursuing a job which would involve me having to wear a stab proof vest I would of said bullshit. But here I am taking steps towards being an Animal Welfare Investigator. Sadly now a days they have to wear these vests as it’s a sign of the time with the sort of people they often deal with and also with the amount of methamphetamine around things can escalate fast.
Following on from the other day were I really think I have figured out what I wanted to do I have been looking more into it. The course that I would need to take can be done via correspondence with three week long sessions I would have to attend. The course fees are $6,000 which I don’t have and will have to find unless I can get a scholarship. On top of the course fees will be my text books etc and finding accommodation for while I’m on the course although I am pretty sure I can stay with a friend to save some money there. At the end of the course and when I get my first job I will become an officer and basically be able to do the same things as the police except being able to arrest people. I would be able to detain and wait for the police to come and arrest but I could execute search warrants and break into vehicles etc just to name a few things if it is all part of the investigation into the welfare of animals. Pretty funny that you can become a Police officer after 3 months training but to become an Animal Welfare Investigator you need to study for a year first.
I went and talked to the local Animal Welfare Officers in my area and it went really well. They love the fact I want to become one of them and said that best way to see if this is 100% what I want to do I can come and hang out with them and attend jobs, work with the animals logging records etc as part of their requirements for court cases when charging the person/s responsible for the abuse or neglect. They did show me some of the recent cases they are working on and they are heart breaking. I really felt that they were showing them to me to see my reaction. It didn’t upset me as such more just pissed me off that people had done this to them. It was also incredibly sad for the animals involved and silently I was swearing to myself that I will be working for animals just like them and trying to ensure that people are held accountable.
So where to from here?? Well I have to work out my volunteering role that I currently have so that I can spend at least a day a week with them. this will give me more experience and help me to learn so much. You don’t just automatically get accepted in so this will put me in a better position. It will also give me time to save so that hopefully I get accepted into the course next year. If I get in I will still have my current job and will have to keep working full time to pay the bills with my loan, living expenses and the house etc, etc. So this year get experience under my belt and next year do the course. It sucks that I might have another couple of years of my current job but it doesn’t matter when it is providing me the way to reach my goal.
Thank you sobriety if I hadn’t of invited you into my life I wouldn’t of had my dream in front of me just waiting for me to grab it. Living life sober, raw and real rocks, yep you feel the bad but you can feel the good and you can dream of a better way and make plans to move ahead.
I don’t know why but this time around sober I am excited that my one year anniversary. It’s less than a month away now and I’ve never bothered to celebrate it previously in my sober journeys (yep this is not the first time around for me, nor the second etc) but this time around I feel totally different about being sober than I have every other time. Having never celebrated it previously makes doing it this time seem even more important to me.
So today I ordered a new charm for my bracelet and it’s super cute and inside it says “Be Yourself” and that for me is how I want to be forever. I want to be my authentic self, not what someone else wants me to be, not what I think I should be for people, just being ME. Around my friends I want to be myself and not worry that I am to much for them (I love hard and I’m not afraid to show it). I don’t want to have to worry about sounding dumb or that my opinion doesn’t count because I am smarter than I give myself credit for and if I have an opinion then it must count.
I’m also trying to get together with a couple of girlfriends for something like a celebration lunch and would be so excited if we manage it. Hopefully they are both in the country at the same time and we can work around everyone’s work commitments. Anna!!!! I wish you were here so you could come and complete my Soul Sister Tribe ❤
I think previously I have been rather blase about my sober journey and I think, well actually I know that it was because I was always giving myself the option to drink again at anytime like it didn’t matter.
Living life sober, raw & real is the best gift I have given myself BUT it is also the gift I must never take for granted and always realize the importance of staying on this sober journey.
Trying to think what to write about tonight, there is normally always so much going on in this mind of mine that I am shocked to say that lately there has been quiet periods. I am not complaining at all but it just feels different.
Oh I know lets start with this as I was thinking about this a lot today. The morning after a Xmas Party now…… hmm I still laid in bed late this morning but that was totally my own fault having a long black coffee after dinner at the event 🙂 but there was still a difference waking up this morning compared to previous mornings after work Xmas parties. There was a calmness a nice relaxing stretch and a smile on my face as I looked at my dogs still peacefully sleeping. I rolled over and grabbed my phone from it’s charger and found a reply from my beautiful friend to a message I sent her last night. This started a round of messages back and forth as has become a lovely habit every weekend morning now. It is great checking in with someone you love and making sure your both okay and sharing what has and is planned to happen ❤ Nothing like feeling the love from each other and starting your day knowing someone out there in your tribe loves this habit as much as I do.
Ahhh one more stretch and then out of bed, OMG how does one hurt their knee just getting out of friggin bed???? I twisted it a bit and now when I go to use it a certain way and apply weight it grabs in pain, grrrrr it’s a bitch getting older (still prefer it to the alternative though don’t get me wrong). Actually well talking about getting older why the hell doesn’t anyone warn you of the possible thicker darker hair on your chinny, chin, chin then ah???? What is it are we to ashamed to talk about these things??? Seriously there is one little bastard hair that is thicker than the others and as soon as it sticks it’s ugly stubble out far enough I pluck that bastard out with the tweezers, vamoose you little shit. Oh and there are longer wispy hairs on my neck, what the hell is that all about?? Seriously I don’t have much shame on here so don’t mind sharing but I understand how it’s not something we talk about over morning coffees in the lunch room, but I’m pretty bloody sure one of them would of noticed and I don’t know how they kept looking at me without looking down! Oh maybe because they are getting older like me and their eyesight is failing them like mine. From now on I will be wearing my glasses when looking in the bathroom mirror a lot more that I can promise you.
Oh sorry I digress, back to starting my sober, hangover free morning. I hobble to the shower and stand there under the running water just letting my senses soak up the feeling of the water drops hitting my skin along with my body enjoying the warmth of the water. Following the shower and dressing it is now time to walk the dogs before the heat of the day makes it simply to hot. I LOVE walking my dogs and even more so now that I am living life sober. They really do make you stop and smell the roses as you are walking, seriously dogs have got it sussed. They take their time and they smell everything and don’t miss much. They are totally in the moment and they are focused purely on their time out walking. I never rush them and just lead them lead the way to be honest. I once read that to pull a dog away from it’s sniffing is like interrupting someone from a chapter in a book and I reckon that is pretty accurate. An hour later after we have finished our walk it’s back home for breakfast. This weekend ritual is just so soothing for the soul and I love it.
Now lets compare it to how it would of been for me waking up after a work Xmas Party. I would of woken up late and felt pretty rough. I would of had a crappy nights sleep which would of been broken by waking up at random times through out the night and tossing and turning until drifting back to sleep until the next wake up. I no doubt would of had to go for a pee at least once and that probably would of woken me up during one of the deeper sleep periods and most likely when I would of been nice and comfortable. I would say I would of had a least one really bad episode of heart burn that would of left a burning bile sensation in my throat and would of kept coming up in small doses of vomit which I would of kept swallowing. Finally I would of woken up with a dry mouth and cracked throat which probably smelt disgusting (never sniffed it myself) and I would of no doubt felt nausea and had a headache. I would of stretch which would of caused either my calf muscle or foot which would of caused me to dive out of bed to push down on the foot and stretch the muscle to break it’s grip. The dogs would of still been peacefully sleeping on the bed with me but probably would of been pissed off at having been woken so many time during the night. I most likely would of started the day without twisting my knee but who the hell would know if that would or wouldn’t of happened (fucken chin hair problem would probably still be there no matter whether I was sober or not lol). I would not of had the awesome message session with my beautiful friend. This is one of the friendships that has flourished since living life sober and real. I would of needed a shower and would of stood there with my mouth open trying to get rid of my dry horrors. Oh on to the dog walk, they still would of taken me for a walk but I wouldn’t of noticed any of the moments of pure joy they have and we wouldn’t of gone as far because I would of felt like crap and would be just wanting to get back home again and try to down a coffee.
The difference living life sober is like day and night, I freakin love being sober. Loving living life sober, raw and real.
So tonight we had our work Xmas party and I seriously did consider not going because I simply didn’t want to be around alcohol or boozing people. I knew that there was going to be a couple of kegs there along with some spirits and I just couldn’t be arsed going. BUT then I also knew that we would be able to have fun riding jumbo down hill scooters and I am so glad I went. Of cause there was the normal mob that just wanted to sit and drink but there was also a large group of us that spent two hours racing down tacks through the hills which carved through the bush. It was such an adrenaline rush and so much fun!!! We were literally screaming and yelling our way down each time to the bottom as we worked our way through to the most difficult track. Once at the bottom there were vans for us with trailers to cart the scooters back up the hills as they where steep and high, so brilliant. Yep I did crash once as someone behind me was screaming so hard I thought they had hurt themselves lol, I turned around to look at them and ran into a bank hahhaha. Didn’t matter straight back up the hill to go again.
Now my point is I am so glad that I went because I had a blast. I am also so glad we had something organised were we could do something different than just sit around drinking and eating. Once it went to dusk we went back up the top of the hill and had dinner with the drinkers. Have to admit that once I finished eating I did leave because I really couldn’t be bothered sitting with the drinkers who were starting to get rowdy and the music was turning to loud crap. I hate to think of some of their heads tomorrow and can honestly say I reckon that is the best work Xmas party I have been to. Being sober and having a blast is freakin awesome.
Being brave can take many forms and this week I achieved one that I never would of done when I was drinking. I work for a large company and an email came out with orders for us all from our General Manager. What was in the email I knew couldn’t be right and also realized the implications to the company if everyone followed his directive. Now when I was drinking I would of just read it and thought shit that’s not right but just followed the order. When I was drinking I didn’t always trust my judgement and rather than risk making a fool of myself I wouldn’t of responded to his email. Now that I am sober again my thinking is so much clearer and I am not doubting myself so have a new inner confidence. So instead of ignoring the fact I knew it was incorrect I replied back to the General Manager in a very respectful way as in starting with “Sorry I do not mean to question your directive but I am very concerned that what you have ordered everyone to do is infact incorrect and there is a better way to do it” and carried on from there.
I won’t bore you all explaining the emails that bounced back and forward including the other departments that made up the directive, after thoughtfully replying why what they were trying to do would be a costly and possibly an unrecoverable move I got an email back from the General Manager thanking me very much for my input and through explanation. It went on to say that he appreciated the fact that I spoke up and pointed the error in his ways. It turned out that he didn’t even read the directive that he put out as it was made by a team he pays to make those sort of instructions up for him (I don’t think he has time to get bogged down with our computer systems). Following this I got a call from the Manager that did make up the directive thanking me for literally saving his arse and that he had fucked up.
Sorry for the slightly cryptic post but I don’t want drag my work or workers into my sober blog lol. Anyway it is fair to say that I am feeling freakin awesome about this and proud of myself for being able to email the GM with my concerns and then to be able to follow it up with the reasons why it wouldn’t work along with a new solution to the problem that would without doing any damage or losing the company money. Shit yes it is good living sober, not only raw and real but alert and smarter mixed with a dash of confidence and a tad of self esteem.