I watched the new Brene Brown show on Netflix the other day and I love her words of wisdom so much. There was so much that stood out to me and one of the things that she said made so much sense to me. I think we have all been guilty of saying at some time that we couldn’t give a shit what others think and Brene said that this is just not a realistic statement because we are actually hard wired to give a shit. BUT and here is the but we should be selective in who’s opinion we take notice of. This is so true and something I try to focus on. There are a few people who’s opinion really does matter to me and that is my parents (although as I age I do have some opinions on things that doesn’t match with theirs) and my Soul Sisters. Basically it is people who I love and who I know love me and have my best interests at heart. So rather than saying I couldn’t give a shit what others think about me or what I do I think it is nice that I have some people in my life who’s opinions I value enough to give a shit about.
Living life sober, raw and real takes it to a whole new level and it is freakin awesome.
Today was one of those days where the shit just keeps flying at you quicker than you can dodge it (I am talking about problems at work). But I just dealt with each one totally calmly and rationally. Each team member was greeted with a “is anyone or anything going to die if I don’t deal with your case right now?”. If the answer was no they got an “okay just wait and I will get to you when I can give YOUR issue 100% of my attention. All I could think is that I would never of had a day so full of issues and problems while I was drinking and come out the other end of it happy. I dealt with them all and didn’t get flustered or grumpy because I couldn’t cope. I wasn’t tired or hungover which would of drastically changed the outcome for everyone. Shit life is so much better for me being sober.
Living life sober, raw & real really is the only way for me to live.
When I was drinking I was full of self doubt and loath, I was always disappointed with myself for drinking which lead to self doubt and loath which lead to drinking which lead to drinking. Oh geez what a vicious circle I was stuck on the crazy train and for over 20 years I rode that train and along with it the habit was stuck on that way of thinking. I fucken hated myself and thought of myself as a worthless, pathetic drunk. I am slowly changing that way of thinking and it isn’t easy because it’s like mentally I have wired my brain to be like that.
When feeling any self doubt and loath and I notice I will stop and I now ask myself now what is the truth??
The truth is that I don’t hate myself, I don’t loath myself, I am no longer disappointed with myself because I am working bloody hard to improve myself and working on so many areas of my life to fix and improve myself and my life. I really do want to turn my life around and make it a life that is worth living. I want to be a change in the world, I don’t want to waste this blessing I have been given (life) and I want to use it to do good in this world and leave it a better place than when I came into it.
Living life sober, raw and real is a blessing and one that I have been given and am giving to myself.
This morning I woke up and I was just happy it was one of those mornings. I lay there and stretched and thought hmmm okay body what do you need today?? I could feel that my foot was still sore, I don’t know what is happening there but as soon as I put weight on it the heel hurts like hell but after a while it comes right. The rest of my body felt good, no aches or pains so my last chiropractor visit has served me well. Okay aches and pains sorted how about energy wise, how was I feeling there? Well to be honest I was still a bit tired as I had been late going to bed. I looked at the dogs and they were snoring beside me all comfortable and cuddled up and I thought I don’t have to be at my job today, I’m not going into the SPCA to learn all I am doing is catching up on washing, vacuuming, ironing etc etc so go back to sleep if you need to. I lay there just smiling as I had my two most precious things in the world with me and they were happy, content and healthy. I could feel a gentle breeze coming into the room and just closed my eyes and inhaled, held it and released as I concentrated on the air coming into my lungs. I was trying to reach 10 repeats but my mind drifted at 4 so I started again. Breathe in, feel those lungs full, feel the chest raise and the tummy gently rise below it, hold and release, repeat for 10. Ahhhhh so relaxing, I think I drifted off again for a little while and when I opened my eyes again I was so relaxed and ready to face my day.
Up hit the shower, chuck on a load of washing and out the door with my two dogs for their morning walk. It was an amazing morning and even in shorts and a tank top I was so comfortable with the warmth of the morning sun on me. The dogs took three times as long just stopping and sniffing everything along the way. Doing their little scent marking as they went and stopping to just take in the moment. Dogs are seriously good teachers of just being in the moment. We came across another dog and I started to greet it even before we reached it and my dogs did not perform or react they behaved perfectly. I noticed the vivid colors of the flowers and could smell the roses at one point it was heavenly. At one point I was standing waiting for them and started to think just how blessed I am now that I am living life sober. I might of enjoyed my walk with my dogs but never to this level as I would of been rushing them thinking please just let me get home so I can cook some greasy hangover food and then blob out on the couch. I wouldn’t of started to think far out I am so blessed with the people that have come into my life. There wouldn’t of been therapy sessions happening so I wouldn’t of been making progress in realizing that I’m not as fucked up as I thought I was. I wouldn’t of realized that I really am okay with the decisions and thought processes I have made in the last 12 months about things that have happened to me.
I came home and messaged one of my favorite blessings like I do to acknowledge her in my universe and because I love our little messages to each other. It is important that we let the people who matter in our lives know so I always send her something and this ways todays opener.
Then to top of my morning I came online here and found your comments from over night. Oh my gosh a couple of you this weekend have made me smile so hard with tears in my eyes!! Thank you so much for making me feel so special, I really don’t know if you all realize just how much your kind words mean to me, words are powerful ❤
Yep it was just one of those days where I could turn in any direction and I found a blessing to be grateful for. I acknowledged each and every blessing in my own way and smiled each time that I did. I had a busy day and tomorrow the work week starts all over again but guess what??? I’m even grateful for that because I need the income and I am working towards my way out of there and towards another one that will not only give me and income (less but it doesn’t matter) BUT if will also be feeding my soul ❤
Living life sober, raw and real is the best gift I ever gave myself. I am so thankful that I am still here and that I am getting this chance to make my life matter and to use it for good. I know that the chances are my mood will swing as it does but I also know that all I need to do is hold on for another day like today and it makes it all worth it. Today there was nothing outstanding that happened and yet it was amazing and I am so blessed.
Just because I can here is one of my favorite singers for you, I really am finding my peace of mind. –
I cried today and the tears were for so many here in New Zealand at the moment. What brought on these tears was after talking to a lovely gentleman at work who is a Muslin my heart just aches for them. He was telling me that his wife is now to scared to leave the house and he was having to take the kids to school and then back home again because at the moment she just can’t cope. The next bit was what broke me he told me that he is trying so hard inside to be strong and he has to be strong at home for his wife and his children but inside he is broken. They had friends that were in Christchurch that were right near the Mosque when the event happened. These are good people, these are people that would give their shirts off their backs to help a stranger. He has an amazing compassionate nature and the wickedest sense of humor but at the moment there is sadness that can’t be hidden. They have been touched that there has been the out pouring of aroha (love) and support from so many but they are also very aware that it only took one man to commit this hate crime that has now taken the lives of 50 people with. For anyone interested these are those 50 people –
There is so many sad stories and as a nation we are not only in shock and grieving but we are also coming together. I think everyone including the world are impressed and inspired by our Prime Minister along with the stories of our people. For the first time ever we have our gangs coming together and rather than fighting each other they are joining to support the Muslin society. On this Friday which will be a week since the day we will never forget they are going to be guarding all Mosques in New Zealand besides the armed Police so that Muslims and anyone else are able to attend Friday Prayers without fear. The Mosques are always open to the public and although the are grateful for the gangs to do this they have told them that they would be happier if them come inside and attend the prayer session. Sadly the 2 Mosques that were involved in this hate crime will not be used and may never be used again as they are so blood stained but every other Mosque in New Zealand will be used.
I think the way through this is by finding the positive everywhere that we can along with love, compassion, acceptance and understanding. Today out of all the positives I saw the one that I smile about as I remember it today was Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern attended a school that has lost 2 of their students in this tragedy. She gave a speech to all the students and then opened up the floor to the students so they could ask her any questions. What was the first questions asked???? One young girl got up and asked Jacinda – “How are you feeling?” it was incredibly heart warming it shows that this young girl has love, compassion and the understanding that not only is Jacinda our Prime Minister but she is a lady, wife, mother, auntie, daughter and friend she is human. She is our leader but this young lady wanted to know if she was okay. Jacinda replied – “How am I” she looked at the ground briefly, looked back up with a smile, and with a slightly shaky voice “thank you for asking, I am very sad”. It didn’t end there but they meet and they hugged each other, not a photo opportunity hug but a thank you for caring combined I feel and am united in our pain hug.
Living life sober, raw & real is exactly how I want life to be but at the moment it is living it raw and real. Everywhere we turn there is so much grief, sadness and pain but there is also so much heart warming things happening and I am sober and clear minded so feeling it all.
I keep thinking of things that I want to try now that I’m sober. It’s a combination of that fact I am pissed off that I have wasted so many years living as an alcoholic with the fact that I am 50 and want to make the most of every moment I have left. Mid-life crises mixed with the excitement of being sober and fully present, look out world I’m awake!!
I reckon that monkey could probably play better than me but I want to learn how to play the guitar. I keep thinking about it and the desire isn’t going away. I freakin love music and it is one of my escapes now when my I’m stressed, angry, sad, happy, feel like dancing you know just when you want to escape. So far in my life I have played the piano, flute, saxophone or and violin but that was during my childhood and just like my childhood I can’t remember how to now. My mother was a music teacher so it was only natural that I would play with and want to learn how to play any instruments around the house.
There are other things I think about and one is I would love to learn how to surf but maybe that wouldn’t be the wisest move when I already suffer from skin cancer and have had bits either frozen off or cut out of my body. Plus I hate the heat, I just feel like I am dissolving without it actually happening. I wish it was that bloody easy, how cool would that be for losing weight? I would give sky diving a go but would probably have to lie on the consent form thingee because I have screws in my ankles and I think that would have them telling me no.
Its just amazing how much more is out their waiting for me now that I have the motivation and mind to dream and think what would I enjoy, what should I try to find out? Living life sober, raw and real, it’s freakin awesome. If you drinking and your thinking what would I do without it, please don’t worry about that you actually have MORE things to do and they are far more fun and you wake up the next morning rearing to go for it all over again.