I having one of those extra sensitive moments, it’s okay and it will pass and I know that a lot of this has to do with me being a sensitive soul. I know that when I was drinking I was numbing everything and not feeling anything good or bad. I think now that as a result of this I feel things deeper and harder which can be quite overwhelming because I am really quite a sensitive soul, probably why I spent so much time making sure I wasn’t feeling anything.
Anyway my little purge tonight is just that my sensitive little soul over reading and over reacting and it needs to calm itself down. I am feeling sad that I seem to be the one of my friends that always takes the time to reach out and see how they are doing and to have a little chat regularly. But my sensitive soul is noticing that it’s always me doing the reaching and that hurts to be honest. I don’t quite know what to do as my mind over thinks it all and a part of me thinks what did I do? Was I too needy, did I annoy them by contacting too much? Like I get that people are busy but if you have friends don’t you make a little bit of time for them every so often? My mind is wondering if I just stop messaging for a while and see what happens or is that just being stupid?? Arrgggh what do I find relationships so complicated. Do I just keep going like nothing is wrong? I’m just feeling sad and blue about it all but I know this will most likely pass.
I need to calm it down and not upset myself, I need to be kind to myself and go within and figure out why I am having this insecure moment. I need to just know that I am loved and that people get busy and they have their own family and other friends. I need to trust that they aren’t bored with me and moving on. Maybe I need to learn how to reach out and tell them how I’m feeling, but will that blow the friendship. Oh geezzz stop it mind, just stop.
On a totally different note I have been thinking about my big fat fail at exercise and wondering what is it I need to do to motivate myself. Now I think anyone who has read a couple of my posts has figured out how much I love animals so I am thinking of a way that might work. I have already skydived to help raise funds for the SPCA and to me that was a huge mental challenge and tick on my bucket list. Well this time I am thinking of a physical challenge and there is a run / walk fund raising marathon for the SPCA in October this year. I searched fitness challenges for causes and it came up like a meant to be. Now there are 3 groups 5km’s, 12 km’s, 21.1 km’s (what the fuck is with the .1 seriously) OR the full marathon of 42.195 km’s (now .195??? this is getting ridiculous) . Guess which one I’m thinking of doing, if your gonna aim for a goal why not make it big right? And the bigger and harder the target the more likely people are to sponsor you for it. Oh and I would get to add marathon with a big fat tick to the completed list on my bucket list.
I’m living life sober and I’m determined to fucken rock it!!!