Category Archives: Enjoying the sober me

15 Reasons I LOVE Being Sober

Well today is my anniversary and I have now been sober for 15 months AND it feels fucken amazing. I honestly would not of believed someone if they had told me you are going to become sober and your actually going to end up loving it and not be able to imagine yourself living any other way. Now keeping up with my tradition here is my list of 15 things (1 for each month) I enjoy now I’m living life sober.

  1. Life – I love living my life, seriously I was just letting it pass me by in my drinking days.
  2. Counting Blessings – I have so many blessings all around me at any given moment on any given day. I simply failed to notice them while I was drinking.
  3. Amazing Friends – Being sober and hanging with your friends WITHOUT alcohol totally takes things to a whole new deep and meaningful level. You honestly get to know the real YOU and the real THEM.
  4. Dreaming – I love day dreaming and being relaxed enough without anxiety to be able to dream, I have some freakin amazing ideas that come from taking the time to dream.
  5. Dealing With Pain – Sounds odd I know but bear with me, had I not got sober and had I not had an amazing friend (refer # 3) who suggested therapy and I would not of realized that it is NOT my friends job to heal me and deal with past junk. It is my job and it was my job to go out and find myself a good therapist who helped me deal finally face past pain. Friends can HELP but its not their job to sort everything out.
  6. Freedom – I can get in my car and drive myself anywhere 24/7 I don’t have to wait until I’m not drinking or feel that I am sober enough to drive.
  7. Acceptance – I used to drink so I didn’t feel things basically to numb and block things out. Now I want to feel it all including the bad, if I’m not willing to feel the bad I am not leaving room for the good to come in.
  8. Goals – I know how many 50 year old people do you know that don’t or haven’t had any goals???? I have never had goals or dreams or visions to aim for in the future. The future was just something I didn’t think about as I was too busy just planning getting to the next bottle.
  9. Excitement – I am excited for my future especially my career, I can’t wait until I can start my studies next year and then working as an Animal Welfare Inspector. If just makes so much sense my current job doesn’t anymore.
  10. Awareness – Being sober it is like someone has opened my eyes and shown me that I am capable of so much more, I can do so much better for myself.
  11. Improved Health – I am still on blood pressure medication but while I was drinking heavily for years even that was only just keeping it below the danger level. Now without drinking my BP is the lowest I can ever remember it being since they started recording it.
  12. Self Love – I’m not quite there yet with this one but I have come a bloody long way from hating myself and thinking I was not worthy, I am fucken worthy and I would say I like myself.
  13. No Desire – I really don’t have any desire to drink anymore and I just don’t see the point nor can I see a reason that would make me think it would be a good idea for me to start again NOTHING, NO REASON.
  14. Self Care – I am a people pleaser and I used to find it extremely hard to say NO. to anything they would ask me to do for fear of upsetting them. This came at a cost to myself and I have learnt that in order to be a good person to others I have to look after myself first.
  15. Peace & Calmness – Inner peace and calm is the most incredible feeling and while drinking you just don’t get to experience them. When I was drinking I thought it was when I reached the point that I had drunk just the right amount to feel nothing and be totally numb, that point just before you get totally depressed and start self hating and loathing before passing out. THIS IS NOT PEACEFUL NOR IS IT CALM.

Life In Colour

I reckon that living life sober is like living life in black or white versus living in full colour. The biggest change I have noticed is that I do not suffer anxiety as much as I used to. Put me in a room of total strangers I would still have an inner melt down but I used to live my life on edge all the time and just be anxious, nervous and feel not good enough all the time. It was really a constant battle of not believing in myself nor that I was capable of doing things. Now I’ve got this inner power and confidence building in myself. I have the desire to want to be better and I believe in myself that I can be and do better. There is also something growing inside me that is telling me that I am worthy and I do deserve to have and be better.

Okay this post is going off on a tangent I wasn’t expecting can you believe this all started because I was going to write about how different some things are? I was going to tell you all how the other day while traveling with the Animal Welfare Inspectors that we traveled some huge distances on some windy roads that just went on and on, round and round for a bloody long time. Now previously I would of been as sick as a dog from car sickness, I have not wanted to go on long journeys unless I am the driver because of knowing that I would end up sick. I was expecting to have problems but apart from one point when I felt a little bit ill (but shit anyone would of those roads were bad) I traveled just fine. Now I am wondering to myself was I not suffering from motion sickness at all?? Was it traveling with a hangover or because of the vast amounts that I had consumed the night before? As a child I did suffer from terrible motion sickness but now I am wondering have I been suffering from this as an adult or was it the booze?

Living life sober, raw and real has hidden surprises everywhere and I think that the longer I keep going with this sober journey the more dangerous I am going to become because I am going to end up being so fucken awesome in my own mind it could get scary as I find my inner power. Okay this was a weird post but that’s okay it’s getting this out of my mind and out into the universe.

Therapy Session 4.4

Bloody hell living the life of an alcoholic for over 20 years has had a huge impact on my life. I think I might as well of been living in the bloody bottle now that I can see just what a prisoner I was to it. It really does blow my mind to think that I seriously thought that I was doing okay and that I just had a problem with binge drinking and wasn’t an alcoholic at all, far out was I bullshitting myself. I look back now and I realize that I was burying myself in booze, numbing ANY feelings I could of had and totally isolated myself from everything except for having to go to work to feed my addiction. Now it wasn’t just the booze but things I hadn’t dealt with from my past as well which I was using the booze to self medicate and numb out my brain so I didn’t have to think about them. I have to be honest I don’t know if I drunk because of my history or if I would of been an alcoholic had I lived a totally happy life. That is something I will never know because I do know that when it comes to booze I have a faulty off switch that’s for sure.

Anyway I think I am procrastinating on what this part of the therapy session was about. I have not had nor have I been with a partner for over 20 years now. I am happy on my own but there are periods when I do get lonely or I think some things would be so much easier if I had a partner. I am a real believer in the attitude of if someone is out there and it is meant to happen it will. I am not closed off to the idea and if I did find some one that I loved and that treated me like their Princess while I treated them like my Prince or Princess (that’s right I am attracted to both) I would love it. But if it doesn’t happen that it totally fine as well because frankly I am having quite a good time getting to know myself which I truely don’t believe I have ever done. Am I bi-sexual, lesbian or heterosexual? Shit I don’t even have the answer to that one and I’ll answer it if I ever get the chance to figure it out. What I do know is one of the biggest turn on’s I have found is a person who is kind, caring compassionate, funny and basically not an arsehole 🙂 It would be a lie to say I don’t have a physical side that attracts be because I do and there is a “type” that attracts me.

Anyway that is once again diverting from what I’m trying to say here (sorry bit all over the place in my mind tonight) but it has struck me as strange that I haven’t worried about not having a partner for that long and I asked the therapist did she think it was linked with my rape at all. She asked me does the thought of having sex with a man repulse me because of the rapes? My answer was nope not at all if he is the right person, naturally I would be nervous after all this time but I would be nervous no matter what. Well she said her personal opinion is that it hasn’t been just because of the rapes but she does believe it is a lot to do with me being an alcoholic. She said when I was drinking did I want people around me? My answer was oh hell no, I didn’t want them around to judge how much or how quickly I drank. I didn’t even like answering the phone in the evening for fear that I would be slurring, I didn’t think I did but I might (and most likely bloody was). I honestly didn’t want anyone around me and my dirty little secret. Oh and the mornings after drinking I would always be hungover or flat so having another person around really wasn’t something I wanted. I have been drinking to excess for over 20 years so lets do the calculations 20+ years drinking = 20+ years single.

Living life sober, raw & real is the only life for me now and thank God for that. I really was living in a drunken cloud and now I am free.

14 Things I Love Now I’m Sober

Well I almost missed the date with being sick and sleeping most of the day away but Woop, Woop today I have been sober for fourteen months!!!! Now the way I celebrate each time is recognizing things that are so much better in my life now because I am sober and I provide one for every month I have been sober. Doesn’t matter if I repeat these things from previous months because this is one way to recognize the accomplishment and also to count my blessings. So here we go 14 things I love now that I am sober.

  1. Having a clear mind. – Living numb and using alcohol as a sedative causes your mind to fog and cloud over all the time.
  2. Dreaming about how things could be and how I would like them to be. – It doesn’t have to be achievable goals but so many dreams that used to seem out of reach now have the possibility to become reality.
  3. Setting goals to be able to work towards my dreams which have turned into goals. I have never had goals and plans of my own before, not ones that are for ME and that is exciting.
  4. Inner Peace – I am so much calmer internally and I do not suffer from anxiety anywhere near as much as I used to.
  5. Meditation – Starting off small with each time I wake up I lay there are listen to my body and actually ask it what do you need from me today, then I will lay there and inhale feeling the breath enter my body, hold it, then exhale releasing any negative thoughts I might have e.g. negative thoughts about myself.
  6. More Time – Thank goodness I don’t have all the down time I used to waste, you know like sleeping in every weekend because you have stayed up far to late drinking to excess. Taking ALL day to get the chores around the house done because really your hangover ass just isn’t coping with doing it.
  7. Work Experience – Spending the day with the Animal Welfare Inspector so I can learn as much as I can while making sure it is the career path I want to follow before diving into university and study next year to qualify to be one myself. I wouldn’t have time for this if it wasn’t for # 6.
  8. Watching Movies & TV – I mean watching it and actually taking in what is happening, there are so many good things to watch. Previously I would of had them playing on the TV but because I was pissed I would not take it in at all and if I noticed the credits rolling I would think oh fuck I have no idea what happened.
  9. Being Present – Best example of this is when I am around my dogs I am aware of their needs and wants. Previously when drinking my boy would keep bringing me his ball and drop it at my feet, some times if he was lucky I would rub his head and then continue drinking while ignoring him. Now I notice these things and we play more, exercise more we just have more quality time together.
  10. Honest & Open Deep Friendships – To the few people that I feel a strong connection with I am totally honest and open about being an alcoholic and have made myself vulnerable by being 100% honest and open. It is very scary being that vulnerable but so worth it because if they can’t love you for YOU then really what is the point?
  11. Facing My Fears – Best example that I can think of that still puts a smile on my face weeks later was attending a SOL Dance Experience. I did suffer huge anxiety but I still did it. Previously I would not of even considered doing something so far out of my comfort zone and would of just stayed at home drinking to being so pathetic.
  12. Freedom – To be able to drive at any time of the day or night is to give myself the freedom to do things I was cutting off the opportunity of doing previously e.g. to attend the SOL session I had to drive 2 hours there and then 2 hours home again afterwards at night. This would not of been an option previously as it would of been my drinking time so it would not of even been considered.
  13. Yummy Food – Alright my weight will argue with me that this is a positive but I actually enjoy cooking and spending time in the kitchen. There is nothing nicer in a house than the smell of a delicious meal cooking. I am also eating healthier as well and feeling better for it.
  14. Seeing Potential In Myself – Near the end of my drinking I seriously hated myself with a passion. I was so disappointed, full of self loath, miserable and had absolutely nil self worth. Now I can see that I am a kind person who has a fierce love for her friends, a kind heart towards all and everything, a love of animals, a willingness to help others and the list can go on I would of NEVER noticed these things in myself had I not stopped drinking.

I am living live sober, raw and real and that is the only life for me and because of it there is now so much good in my life.

Zen Day

Today was one of those days where the shit just keeps flying at you quicker than you can dodge it (I am talking about problems at work). But I just dealt with each one totally calmly and rationally. Each team member was greeted with a “is anyone or anything going to die if I don’t deal with your case right now?”. If the answer was no they got an “okay just wait and I will get to you when I can give YOUR issue 100% of my attention. All I could think is that I would never of had a day so full of issues and problems while I was drinking and come out the other end of it happy. I dealt with them all and didn’t get flustered or grumpy because I couldn’t cope. I wasn’t tired or hungover which would of drastically changed the outcome for everyone. Shit life is so much better for me being sober.

Living life sober, raw & real really is the only way for me to live.

I want more days like today!!

This morning I woke up and I was just happy it was one of those mornings. I lay there and stretched and thought hmmm okay body what do you need today?? I could feel that my foot was still sore, I don’t know what is happening there but as soon as I put weight on it the heel hurts like hell but after a while it comes right. The rest of my body felt good, no aches or pains so my last chiropractor visit has served me well. Okay aches and pains sorted how about energy wise, how was I feeling there? Well to be honest I was still a bit tired as I had been late going to bed. I looked at the dogs and they were snoring beside me all comfortable and cuddled up and I thought I don’t have to be at my job today, I’m not going into the SPCA to learn all I am doing is catching up on washing, vacuuming, ironing etc etc so go back to sleep if you need to. I lay there just smiling as I had my two most precious things in the world with me and they were happy, content and healthy. I could feel a gentle breeze coming into the room and just closed my eyes and inhaled, held it and released as I concentrated on the air coming into my lungs. I was trying to reach 10 repeats but my mind drifted at 4 so I started again. Breathe in, feel those lungs full, feel the chest raise and the tummy gently rise below it, hold and release, repeat for 10. Ahhhhh so relaxing, I think I drifted off again for a little while and when I opened my eyes again I was so relaxed and ready to face my day.

Up hit the shower, chuck on a load of washing and out the door with my two dogs for their morning walk. It was an amazing morning and even in shorts and a tank top I was so comfortable with the warmth of the morning sun on me. The dogs took three times as long just stopping and sniffing everything along the way. Doing their little scent marking as they went and stopping to just take in the moment. Dogs are seriously good teachers of just being in the moment. We came across another dog and I started to greet it even before we reached it and my dogs did not perform or react they behaved perfectly. I noticed the vivid colors of the flowers and could smell the roses at one point it was heavenly. At one point I was standing waiting for them and started to think just how blessed I am now that I am living life sober. I might of enjoyed my walk with my dogs but never to this level as I would of been rushing them thinking please just let me get home so I can cook some greasy hangover food and then blob out on the couch. I wouldn’t of started to think far out I am so blessed with the people that have come into my life. There wouldn’t of been therapy sessions happening so I wouldn’t of been making progress in realizing that I’m not as fucked up as I thought I was. I wouldn’t of realized that I really am okay with the decisions and thought processes I have made in the last 12 months about things that have happened to me.

I came home and messaged one of my favorite blessings like I do to acknowledge her in my universe and because I love our little messages to each other. It is important that we let the people who matter in our lives know so I always send her something and this ways todays opener.

Thankful For Friends Quotes And Sayings and Thanks For Being My Friend Quotes, Friendship Sayings In English – DAILY QUOTE IMAGE

Then to top of my morning I came online here and found your comments from over night. Oh my gosh a couple of you this weekend have made me smile so hard with tears in my eyes!! Thank you so much for making me feel so special, I really don’t know if you all realize just how much your kind words mean to me, words are powerful ❤

Yep it was just one of those days where I could turn in any direction and I found a blessing to be grateful for. I acknowledged each and every blessing in my own way and smiled each time that I did. I had a busy day and tomorrow the work week starts all over again but guess what??? I’m even grateful for that because I need the income and I am working towards my way out of there and towards another one that will not only give me and income (less but it doesn’t matter) BUT if will also be feeding my soul ❤

Living life sober, raw and real is the best gift I ever gave myself. I am so thankful that I am still here and that I am getting this chance to make my life matter and to use it for good. I know that the chances are my mood will swing as it does but I also know that all I need to do is hold on for another day like today and it makes it all worth it. Today there was nothing outstanding that happened and yet it was amazing and I am so blessed.

Just because I can here is one of my favorite singers for you, I really am finding my peace of mind. –