Now I’m not stupid as in I know that I am an alcoholic and that doesn’t just go away because I am not drinking and I know how easy it is for the wheels to fall off the wagon and end up back at that horrible day one again.
I have no intention of ending up back there but nor did I the other times I did either, but that’s not what I am focusing on here. One of the better ways to avoid that happening again is by building what I call a sobriety tool kit. I am the most important part of that tool box because this is something I can either make work or I can fuck it up it’s that simple. But with the help of the other tools the chances of that not happening are much better.
Apart from myself my biggest and most treasured tool is my Soul Sisters, they are the biggest blessings that I have been given. Is it bad that I have in the back of my mind that if something goes wrong with my Soul Sisters it could be dangerous because I love them so much and it would hurt like a bitch? I hate that part of me, I treasure the best parts but weigh up the bad possibilities as well. I think that if you care deeply for people there is always going to be bits that hurt and that is just a fact of life.
My Soul Sisters love me, support me, are there for me if I really needed them each in their own way. They are also great at being honest with me and they all have different strengths that they bring to the relationship. I really just wanted to put down here how much I love them and the fact is if I had not let them into my life in the last year (and them let me into theirs) that I don’t believe I would of been able to fight as hard. There is a very real possibility with my alcoholism that I would of gone back to drinking. With my drinking I would of slipped back into depression and suicidal thoughts would of been a part of my life again. Because of the fight I have had and the wonderful choosen sisters I have I am a much better and stronger person.
I LOVE being sober, there are good days and there are bad days, but the good days are more often than the bad now. Living life sober, raw and real, is so very worth it.