I nearly had a panic attack today when a friend told me that it could be a very long time before we open up our borders and let people come into New Zealand again apart from NZ citizens coming home. I sort of have this thing going on in my head that once our lock down is lifted that things will go back to how they were and we will sort out the after math of loss of jobs, businesses even homes but it hadn’t occurred to me that people from overseas might not be able to come into the country for a very long time. The reason this upsets me so much is that my BFF left the country just coming up a year ago (next week to be exact) and she told me don’t worry we will be back some time next year even if it’s just for a visit and not to live again this time around. I cried when she left as she had become such a big part of my life, one of those you didn’t realize you had a gaping hole in your heart only something filled it people. I was like a child who was losing her best friend but pulled myself together holding on to us being back together within a year. I feel so sad that this may not be possible now, I really, really hope she’s wrong. We are oceans apart and even flying it’s about an 18 hour flight, that’s when the planes are flying! Social media is great and messaging etc is awesome and I love that we have that way of staying in contact but it is honestly not the same as being right there with the person.
I can remember one of the last time we were together and it really does feel so much better in person. We had a lovely time and we celebrated my soberversary as you hadn’t been in the country for the actual date. We went for a walk together and went up what felt like a zillion steps up a big hill with the intention of heading to the next suburb, but I think you noticed just how unfit I was and that I was hot and puffing lol. Very graciously you suggested that it was to hot and maybe we should just go back and have celebration ice creams while sitting talking and people watching while looking out to the ocean. That sorbet was so delicious, yummo. When we had time together we would always end it by sitting on a part bench and people watching (well to be honest we spotted people with dogs more, dog watching that’s us) on the beach and looking out at the ocean while just sitting there talking. It always just felt so darn comfortable, there wasn’t any awkwardness and the conversation was very open with questions that only two people that loved, trusted and cared about each other would ever have. It was starting to cool down as the day was drawing to an end but I do remember that I simply didn’t want it to end, I didn’t want to leave you because I knew we wouldn’t be together in person again for a very long time. I can remember it started to get cooler but I could feel the warmth from you both in love and in body heat, I don’t remember you wearing a scent that day and I’m pretty sure if you did I would of remembered because I’m funny like that and remember scents and they always remind me of the person connected to them. I knew you had to go and didn’t want you to but when you said you needed to go now I accepted it. I still hold onto the memory of our parting hug, I could of held onto you forever. To me you are like a sister I have always wanted, I have many issues with my family and my history held me back from more than just casual friendships but you, you broke through that and made me feel noticed, like I mattered. I know that it’s not like that for you as you have real sisters and you have so many friends because you are an amazing friend we are all so lucky to have you in our lives. I miss you so darn much!!!!! I can’t wait until we can share more moments like these but at the moment it just isn’t possible so I’m just going to hang on to the fact that I am so very blessed to have you in my life even if it is oceans apart.