Christmas Is Not Festive For Everyone

Well I have done it, this year, today I put up a Christmas Tree in my home and it looks so lovely even if I do say so myself. For years I have had a bah humbug attitude towards Christmas but this year I am determined to have some festivity in my life and home. It actually feels really nice sitting here looking at the tree with the beautiful light flashing, I thought my dogs might be scared by them but they haven’t worried about them at all.

I did want to share with you all though that by my own experience the festive season is not always a happy time of the year for everyone. I enjoy getting together with my family in one way but in another way it is really, really hard. To sit at the table eating your Christmas dinner with someone who raped you way back when I was still a child but bordering on being a teenager is really difficult. For reasons discussed previously I have not ever told my family about my rapes by the family member and then by my ex but it is something that you can forgive but you can never forget. I find myself going through the motions and putting on a happy face, previously I would drink a bit and then get home and get totally pissed just to forget it all. Now I don’t have that so called luxury, instead I have to face it head on and the raw emotions and feelings that come with it. It occurred to me last year that why should this time of year be so miserable for me for the whole month?? I am the one with the power to make it not be miserable and I also hold the power to look after myself and ensure that I do give myself some self care and be kind to myself. Unfortunately I will still have to face the family Christmas dinner because to not show for that would break my parents hearts and I can never explain to them why I would rather not so I will have to attend that. But I can make sure I have a lovely morning first with a nice walk with my dogs. Go for family lunch and come home in the afternoon to hang out with my dogs again. Maybe have something yummy and special for dinner, I don’t know just find away to make sure I do enjoy it.

My whole point is look after each other, if someone isn’t in the whole festive mood maybe there is a bloody good reason for it. Living life sober, raw and real is letting me have thoughts like this and to start to take action to change the parts of my life that make me sad.

30 thoughts on “Christmas Is Not Festive For Everyone

  1. You are such an incredible person. An inspiration. I too have had that bah humbug feeling over the past few year but this year I’m going to get excited with you. 😄

  2. That is really, really beautiful of you to forgive like that… but I have to say, by way of understatement, that is a tough pill to swallow. It seems very, VERY wrong that you should have to endure that pain, while the child-rapist sits at the table with you, unbeknownst to your nearest and dearest. Heartbreaking. I kind of feel angry about it and devastated all at once. You’re a truly gentle and loving soul, but there are limits to what should be endured, and what should go untold, and without consequences…

    Sending love. Just want to cry with you.

    1. I had to come back to reply to you as your reply at the time did make me cry. I know that one day with one of my friends the time will come and we will sit there and do just that and it will be very much needed. Interesting enough when I was trying to think how to put into words first of the gratitude for your kind words thank you ❤ but also how I feel this came up on my FB – If you don't heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you.

      1. I am so sorry…. I really am…. I feel terrible for inadvertently making you cry… perhaps I am far too direct with my comments (not to mention lengthy)…. I am sorry. I agree absolutely, with your last statement…. well done for practicing that… I don’t know the whole story…. of course I believe you know what’s best for your own self, though I didn’t spell that out, again sorry… I just felt pain for what you have gone through… and as always, admired your strength. Very best wishes to you ❤️

      2. Oh sobrietytree now I’m sorry for not explaining myself properly. What I meant was a big huge thank you because your comment reached out and touched my soul. Your comment made me feel heard and loved. You totally got it right and it made me cry that someone other than a therapist had heard part of my story and had understood. Never shy away from saying what you want and feel on my post and I don’t care what the length especially when they are so heartwarming like this one was.❤️

      3. Awwwww….. you just made my evening. Thank you, lovely FG… thanks so very, heartfelt much. Truly means the world. Now I’ve got a tear… you’ve been hugely supportive to me in tough times as well. Thanks again for that, too. Love, xoxoxo n/stl ❤️❤️❤️

  3. FG, I can’t even come close to imagining what this would be like sitting at the dinner table. I’ve typed, deleted, typed, deleted. Trying hard to not over step my bounds. You are a precious beautiful soul who is worthy of love and should never have to put yourself in this situation. I know it would break some hearts, but what about yours? To live a sentence where you’ve committed no crime but in fact are the victim is just not right. I’ll stop. When you’re at that table see each one of us here surrounding you as a shield my beautiful friend. Sending Christmas love and warmth to you🤗❤️

    1. Did I reply to you???? Hmmm I think I did but maybe didn’t hit enter. I sort of think now that we are friends enough that we can rip down those bounds because I know that you my friend only come from a place called love the same as I to you ❤ I shouldn't have to put myself in this situation but for the love of my parents I will do it until either they or I die, they do not deserve to become victims in this. I will do a few hours around midday and then I will make sure I come home to my dogs and just relax. Hmm maybe I'm going to have to find a really good movie OR or a really cheesy Christmas one haha. xox

  4. Nor should a normal human being ever forget an incestuous rape. Your compassion towards the ape (lets just say how we really feel here) is spectacular and applaudable. HIS ignorance and lack of compassion to this day is a tragedy and disgrace. (((((Hugs))))💜💜💜 (purple heart for the wounded remember)….

  5. Dwight’s blog sent me over to you. I only read this post, but I just want you to know that you’ve got a friend in me. I’m sending you lots of encouragement. You’re amazing. I’m sorry you’ve had these horrible experiences. I’m sending you a big hug.

  6. I hope you have nice times over the holiday. I am so sorry you have to deal with this every year. There is so much pressure to have a Holly jolly time of it at Christmas that people don’t realize how hard that is sometimes. I lost my Dad on December 17th and it took years for me to deal with Christmas. My son in law lost his mother on Christmas morning 8 years ago and my boss lost his father on Christmas morning 3 years ago. Every time I see the obituaries during the Christmas season, I feel for the families.

    1. Hi annemariedemyen, I am so sorry about the lose of your Dad, I hope that you look back with pleasant memories of your times with him? I agree for so many people the pressure is on to be merry and jolly but they are going through or have been through some terrible pain. Another thing I feel for is for so many the added financial pressure is insane. xox

  7. You’re incredibly strong. Whatever happens, what life trows towards you … when you are able and see the importance to care for you in the very first place, that is just so good.
    I hope you can celebrate Christmas for you this year. Everybody deserves to be happy. It’s so difficult sometimes but your example is very wise and sets an example. Thank you for sharing with us 🙂

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