Why oh why does everything I do take me having a mental argument with myself???? I have had a busy weekend with no real down time which if I’m honest pisses me off because work is full on and I am tired, so tired. But yesterday I came on here and I put out to the universe that I was going to do some exercise each day and to keep damn well doing it until it becomes a habit. I started the morning thinking yep I will do the exercise today but first I need to get up and walk the dogs. I got back and oh I need to hang out that load of washing, clean and load the bird feeder, clean and hang out the dogs pee pad, get the dogs breakfast, get my breakfast, fuck I better hurry up and get on the FB page and do my volunteer role because the others will get shitty if I don’t show soon, 2 hours later I really have to go and visit my Mum (she hardly ever visits me so I try to see her at least twice a week) on the way home grab some groceries for lunch this week at work, get in the dry washing, have a late lunch, get back on the FB page and catch up, time to take the dogs for another walk, come home get back on the FB page and catch up, get the dogs dinner, do the ironing, make the bed…………….. what about my dinner it’s already 7.15pm!!!
Oh shit wait I haven’t done my promised to myself god damn fucken exercise!!! Arrrrrgggghhhhh day two and already I am failing, oh crap. Oh it doesn’t matter I have already done close to 10,000 steps today that counts as exercise right? My foot is aching ( I currently have inflammation of the plantar fascia and it’s so sore I need to get off my feet. I need dinner before it gets to late cause isn’t it bad to eat late??? It’s cold, having another shower after I finish will all be adding up in the power bill you know????? OMGosh can you see what is happening here???? This is the same mind I lost time after time with my battle of the bottle and this is the same mind I had to fight to achieve my sobriety!
I stood there and I thought I am not going to login tonight and put up a post saying Day Two – well it’s was fucked I failed already, I just am not going to do it. Half and hour that is all I need to do, half a bloody hour on the x-trainer and then I can rest in the knowledge that not only did I do the exercise but I fought my annoying part of my brain that pulls that shit and I won. So jump on the X-Trainer I did and although there was a lot of timer watching thinking oh come on already, and although my foot is bloody sore now I am bloody happy that I did it. I am tossing up the idea of setting a goal like when I started out to be sober of 30 days. Hmm should I, could I, would I???
Living life sober, raw and real is the only way I want to live but I want there to be more than that. Walking home from the park with the dogs tonight I thought to myself previously I would of rushed home so I could sit down and start drinking. Tonight I came in and finished my chores, did my exercise, did more volunteer stuff AND posted on here. Might not be everyone’s cup of tea but I am currently feeling so blessed that I can do all this and more.
Functioningguzzler 