Finding ME!!!

I do a LOT of thinking and one of the things I have been thinking about lately is ME. I would say my posts are all about ME but one thing I am finding with being sober is that I am finally starting to find the real ME. Growing up I was always being and behaving how I thought everyone wanted me to manly in an attempt to have my parents love me. When I left home at 16 I then turned to being and behaving how I thought my partner wanted me to be. Once again I was trying so hard to be everything he wanted in an attempt to have him love me more. Once we broke up I was already drinking like a fish and I was so lost there was no way the real me could even come to the surface. I was struggling to breath and function with work and living that I was simply going through the motions. But this time around sober is different, I am starting to find ME. I’m not the easiest person to love because of my emotional baggage that even I find frustrating but it is all me. I am living life honest with the ones that really do matter to me. When I have insecurities they show and I am hoping that those people love me enough to stick around and help me work through these and reassure me that it’s really okay. I talk to myself a LOT in my head when my inner voice starts screwing with emotions and feelings and very slowly I am making progress. 

It’s an exciting, raw and real and often  painful at times but oh so, so worth it journey being sober. In order to feel the good I have to also feel the bad, sad and confused. If I turn myself off to those feelings it is impossible to feel love, happy & content. I’m looking forward to getting to know ME even more, the real me, not the wanting to please and desperate for love ME.


8 thoughts on “Finding ME!!!

  1. We’re so similar – what jumps out at me more than anything else when I look back on life so far is my desperate need to please people and have them like me. This always meant I over promised and under delivered because no one can possibly bend themselves into shapes that’ll suit everyone else 100% of the time. I’d agree to things I didn’t want to do because I wanted to be “nice” and then when push came to shove do it badly or wriggle out of it at the last minute. I can totally relate to finding ourselves in sobriety and one of the best things is that I am finally me and not someone who is forever turning herself inside out in a futile attempt to mould to everyone else’s wishes. It sometimes makes me feel selfish, but the main difference is that I now deliver on promises and never agree when I actually don’t. I think it’s much better for those around me as well. xx

    1. Twinsees that’s what we are ❤ Such a shame because I'm not sure but I am thinking our authentic self's are better than the "what we thought everyone wanted" selves were. And hey if it's not what they want fuck it, feeling brave on here but you watch when I'm back around my parents I will be what they expect me to be lol. Love You As You Are Beautiful Lady XOX

  2. Firstly… ❤ to you. I'm so happy that the thinking you're doing has finally led you to this.
    Secondly… As I was reading, I was nodding my head and smiling in agreement with so many things. And we're not alone. Lots of people do everything they can to please others and it's so sad if it's not reciprocated. I am genuinely happy everytime I've read what you have had to say lately. Good on ya girl xx

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