Living with an addict is hard

Well it’s been a while since I have been on here again my life has just got so busy I often feel like I am swimming against the current.

My brother is still living with me and things aren’t honkey dorey with that situation. I love my brother but it is not healthy for me living with him. He has his own addiction problem with drinking and smoking tobacco and drugs. I find myself very uptight when he is around and I can smell his rum, I am not sure if it is super strong or if my senses have gone off the scale now that I don’t drink. I get pissed off when the stink of his cigarettes drift into my house, once again being an ex smoker I am probably the worst to be around because now I can’t stand the smell. The drugs I hate with a passion as there is a very long story that goes with my brothers history of drug taking mixed with a broken family, police and judges. I also hate the fact that when he tries to chat with me at night I find myself giving blunt replies because I am not sure if he is stoned and talking shit or if he just thinks on another level to me. I also feel trapped because if I was to ask him to leave he would not have any where to go but to my parents house which I could not do to them as they are getting older now and have health issues of their own to deal with.

I know one thing for sure and that is for the months that I have been and still am sober there is no way in hell I want to go back to my addiction. The first few months of recovery where a living hell. I seriously reached the point that to stop the craziness in my head I really wanted to just kill myself and have a rest from the bullshit. I know this time around that if I was to start drinking again I have no idea how I would find the strength to pull myself through those feelings again. Also I think the feelings would be even stronger because I would be so gutted with myself for starting up again that I would be in an even worse position than ever.

How the hell can I find a way to escape the madness I am living with at the moment?  I don’t even seem to have the energy to go to the gym which is stupid as I worked so hard to achieve what I did in the last few months. It is like the life is being sucked out of me, I need to find a way to motivate myself out of this and not let it drag me down.

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3 thoughts on “Living with an addict is hard

  1. Hug.

    It is really great that you see the danger all this poses to you and are protecting your own sobriety. I agree, those first weeks were very hard and I wouldn’t want to go back to them.

    Have you talked to your parents? Perhaps they would not take your brother and together you could approach him and let him know he needs to get his own place. You are not helping either of you by letting him sit around drinking.

    He is his own person and needs to realize that. You are not responsible for him. Even though you obviously love him dearly.

    It’s time to set boundaries. Start with no booze or drugs in the house.

    Take care of you.

    Anne

  2. Hi FG,

    Sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. But HOW COOL that you are sober and not wanting to go back. 🙂 I’m happy for you. 🙂

    When it comes to your brother, I agree with Anne on the he being his own man. I do however not know his age, if that would be anything under 23 or so it is difficult, well, it is difficult anyhow. 😦 So great you escaped addiction. 🙂

    About talking with him in the evening. what about telling him that you do not want to speak with him when he has been drinking or using? That is reasonable, not?

    You have put a lot of effort in your sobriety and it would be really nice to enjoy that sober life without the negative energy that comes with addiction. :-/ Or am I being too tough here?

    xx, Feeling

  3. I agree with Anne – though it is very difficult when you love someone, it ultimately doesn’t help to enable them. And you need to protect your own sobriety. Setting boundaries in your own place is perfectly OK. So is saying NO. A lot of us aren’t very good at those things, because we want to avoid confrontation. It’s something I’ve struggled with, especially with my brothers (I had 6, and 2 have died from alcohol abuse). In this case it might not be enough just to show him through your own sobriety that there is another way. You may also have to make it clear that if he wants to stay with you, he can’t get high or drunk, because it triggers you. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s time to make a choice – maybe give him 3 strikes to give him a chance? I wouldn’t be able to tolerate a smoker around my house either…I’m an ex-smoker too and I can’t stand the smell anymore.
    Big hug to you…courage.
    Dinah

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