Some times I get really pissed off with myself!!!! I was, no have been, doing really great with my weight loss and shaping up. I have lost almost 10kg’s and have dropped a few sizes in my clothes. I fell great about this but then came a friendly warning from my friend / trainer – “I want to know what is your goal weight?” my reply “I don’t have one”. She looked at me with a look of really, raised eye brows, “how far are you going to take this?” my reply “Until I feel good about myself”. At this stage I couldn’t even look her in the eye. She said “but you look great, your face has changed and is now drawn in how about stopping now?” my reply “no I have still got to lose all of this” standing there holding on to my spare tyre around my belly. She just laughed at me and said “we all have parts of us that we are not happy with we have to learn to live with them, I repeat you look great how about stopping now? You can’t afford to keep losing when you already have tummy problems in your life we need to leave you with reserve for those times when you get ill. So how about saying I am happy where I am now?” I didn’t know what to say at this point and said ” I would think about it”. Her come back comment was what threw me – “I am worried that you are taking your addiction from drinking and instead turning that addiction into a weigh loss addiction. Not only that but part of your personality is you are OCD and once you commit to something you take it to extremes.” I had not even seen this link before she said it.
Just so it is clear I love this lady to bits, like a sister and I love her direct nature so I am not offended by her saying this to me I am grateful that she has spoken her mind. She was worried that I would be offended but I wasn’t. Later I was able to tell her I wasn’t upset with her for speaking up and saying it to me. I understand that she loves me and you don’t hurt the people that you love, it’s not rocket science and thanked her for being her. There are actually no other people that can speak to me like this and I thank God everyday for bringing her into my life.
Anyways (sorry once again I am all over the place getting this out of my head) the reason I am pissed with myself is that I have now enjoyed a week of eating what ever I want, I have not been to the gym once and now I feel disappointed in myself. It’s one of those times when this weekend I intended to go to the gym both days but instead this morning I woke up and I was so incredibly tired, exhausted call it what you will. I ended up taking the dogs for their walk after hanging out all the washing, coming home sitting on the computer for an hour, going to the shops, coming home and taking a Nana nap with the dogs, took the dogs to the park for play date, came home did the ironing, cooked dinner and that has been it for the day. LAZY comes to mind, I feel since giving up drinking that I have so much to do and so little time to do it in because I have wasted the last 20 years as a functioning drunk. It was almost as if I used her talk to give myself permission to slack right off.
Tomorrow is another day let’s see if I can be more productive then and go to the gym and get a workout in!!!!! I am suffering depression again and that alone should be another reason why I get off my arse and go to the gym for those happy vibes it produces.